The Wedding Fever Part 5 – The Introduction(a.k.a Mo Mi Mo E)

The mo mi mo e is the first stage of the 8-phase event known as the Nigerian wedding. It is the official ceremony to introduce the bride and groom’s families to each other.This event should be one of the smallest in a regular wedding ceremony but in my case its going to be just as big an event as anyother.

With the make up artist working on my face and the photographer taking the preparation photos, I am once again reeling inside of me that I am getting married to the man of my dreams, Dapo. My phone pings and its a text from Dayo. I open it and read, it goes

“We are outside – waiting under the sun as traditions demand we should.I have never been so happy to stand in the sun in my life. I cannot wait till the last of these ceremonies to have you as my wife, but if to get there I need to stand in fire I will. See you soon”

I reply saying I cannot wait to be his wife too and that I am trying to get ready and will see him soon. My face painting session is over and I head over to the closet to bring out my Iro and Buba and the aso oke. I look and reminisce over what a challenge it was to get our mothers to let Dapo and I wear the burnt orange and maroon fabric with gold gele as opposed to the purple and white or purple and gold they had picked for the bride and groom’s families. After the meeting, in which we all had with the wedding planner when they decided on the families colors, I had gone behind their back to pick my outfit with the wedding planner. They were furious at first but they got over it.

I am all set to go except that the veil has not been put over my gele. I take a second look at myself in the mirror and I am happy with what I see. My friends Tola, Sade and Bolanle are also dressed in their matching brides maids outfit  and we sit on the bed for the photographer to take a group picture. Just as we are about to take the picture, my mum comes into the room and she tells me its time for me to dance out. We file out of the room and head downstairs. At the bottom of the stairs,  my mum send her longest-serving maid to inform the master of ceremony and the musician of my intended arrival. Not long after, the MC announces our arrival and the musician starts to sing. Sade sets my veil down to cover my face and dance into the sitting room with my mum leading us in a single file.

I have reached the front and the moderator has asked Dapo to point at his bride from the file  of us. He walks out and reaches for me and I take his hand. The moderator then asks if I want to marry him and I answer as expected. We both kneel for our parents to pray for us and after that we take our seats as members of both families take turns introducing each other. They start with my family and then my father chiefs and then move over to Dapo’s family. Sitting in this room called the big sitting room rather than the throne room as it should be called, I think to myself ‘ I did not know it had this much room and could take this many people’. My father built this room to entertain his large number of guests compensating for not living in the actual palace.

The introduction is concluded and everyone heads to the banquet hall for the meals to be served as the musician plays loud, live fuji music with his band. As the meals are served I head to the smaller sitting room for some staged pictures with Dapo. Although I am not a huge fan of pictures because I never know what exactly to do in them, Dapo leads the way and gives me such ease. We took our photos candidly affectionate positions and all can say is I love them. With our mothers busy trying to make sure everyone is well fed and my friends helping them, I am able to sneak Dapo upstairs with me to go and change into a more comfortable outfit.

Dapo waits in the room whilst I get changed in my custom-made traditional lace dress. I try to do it as carefully as possible so as not to ruin my gele. I call Dapo to come in with me to help with my zipper which he does. For some strange reason we both look up at each other and smile in the mirror as he zips me up. I ask what he will like eat and make arrangement with my mum’s maid for it to be brought upstairs. Dapo and I are deep in out gist when my mum comes to announce that its time for us to come and greet the guests. So hand in hand we stroll downstairs and greet all the guests by going from one table to another. Once again I am glad I had taken off the beautiful Manolo’s I wore earlier(gifted to me by my husband to be two days after I showed him the material for our outfit) and traded them in for a pair of flat shoes.

Exhaustion is all my brain screams at me right now. I am glad that against our mothers demand that we make it a Sunday evening event. At least I have the whole day on Sunday to recuperate before work on Monday. I turn to look at Tunji who has kindly offered to drop me home because Dapo had to go off with his parents. “have you guys picked a date for the wedding” Tunji’s voice interrupts my reverie.

“No we have not set a date yet but we are thinking sometime early in September. At least we still have 6 months to plan the wedding”I reply

“ok oo, just let me know when you have settled on a date and after you pick the aso ebi”he said and from there we started discussing work until he dropped me off at home.

 

 Glossary

Mo mi mo e – the introduction ceremony

Iro and Buba – a Nigerian tradtional outfit consisting of a top and a wrapper

Aso Oke – a type of Nigerian fabric made with woven thread

gele – Head gear

Tola (Adetola) – a Nigerian name that means wealth is equal to the crown

Sade (Afolasade) – a Nigerian name that means we use wealth as our crown

Bolanle (Abolanle) – a Nigerian name that means I meat wealth in my home

Fuji – A genre of Nigerian music meaning High life music

Aso ebi – A uniform outfit worn at Nigerian ceremonies.

Oladapo (Dapo) – A Nigerian Name that means- a mix of wealth

Tunji (Babatunji) – A Nigerian name that means – Father has returned

The Wedding Fever Part4 – The day I told him

Two months into our relationship, I decide to tell him. I suspect he thinks my refusal to sleep with him is because of something he did or another guy. We went to mutual friend’s birthday party and on our drive back home I started to suspect he wanted to give it another try tonight. He said he was too tired to drive back home from mine so he would have to sleep over. Also through out the party he maintained more body contact with me than normal. He kissed me more than usual(initially i thought he just wanted to flaunt our new relationship) and he drank more than usual.

As I was trying to open the door for us to go into the house, he  grabbed my waist and said”I will finally get a taste of this tonight”. I knew he was drunk so I told him to sit down in the sitting room, I told him to wait for me. I went into the kitchen to get him a glass of water. I give it to him and tell him to drink, although confused he drank it anyway. Whilst he drank I said to him “I need to talk to you about something”. Immediately he drops the glass and looks at me.”have I done something wrong?” he said.

“No its not something you did” As I say this I am already about to start crying.

“what is it then?”

“I cannot give you the sexual satisfaction you are seeking from me”

“Why, are you ok?”

“I am ok. I need you to stop being my boyfriend, I need to tell this to my friend and you have to promise me that you will not under any circumstance tell anyone”

“Ok, you have your friend and I promise not to tell. What is it you are scaring me”

“You know I am a princess and the only girl. The tradition in my vilage is that because I am the only female child of the king, I cannot have sexual relations with anyone except my husband. That is why I avoided dating for so long” I am sobbing heavily at this point and he looks so upset. He looks at me, gets up and walks out of the house. I try to follow him to appologise for not telling him but he looks at me and tells me not to come near him. He drives off and I keep calling him to appologise but he refuses to pick up the phone.

The next afternoon, I call his best friend Tobena to please check that he is alright. Tobena calls right back to tell me he is fine and has gone away on business. I had to tell someone, good thing Tunji already knew about my situation before now, so I go to his office and explain what had happened. Despite how much I tried to explain that Dayo was upset because I did not tell him earlier, Tunji was very angry at him. Two weeks of not speaking to Dayo felt like two years had passed. Tobena called me on Thursday on the second week to tell me that he was back. I went to Tunji to ask for advice on whether I should go to his office or not. Tunji told me to stay in his office until he gets back. I found out from Dayo that he had gone fight with Dayo at his office. Perhaps this was what rained some sense on Dayo. That evening he came over to mine full of appologies and a promise to go on this celibacy journey.

 

 

The Wedding Fever Part 6(a) – Baby+Mama+Drama

“Dapo, DONT TOUCH ME. STAY AWAY FROM ME!” I say and then I storm out of his office, sobbing uncontrollably. I head straight to my car and with tears in my eyes, I begin to ponder upon the events of today. So I woke up this morning feeling that it was going to be a good day. Last Wednesday, Dapo and I’s relationship was officially one year and six months but for reasons beyond his control(business) we were unable to celebrate this milestone like we did the last two(6 months and 1 year anniversary). Dapo only got back from his business trip on Monday and so I decided to surprise him by taking him out to lunch today(Tuesday), my treat.

I head straight to his secretary’s desk to tell her thank you for clearing his schedule for lunch with me today. I am about to give her a conspiratorial wink when I hear someone yell from Dapo’s office. Someone with a female voice yelled “you think you can deny this baby. you must be joking it is yours whether you like it ……” and I hear dapo’s voice cut her off before she can finish her sentence “keep your voice down” he says. Just then the door to Dapo’s office swings open and a  lady with a little baby in her arms storms out.

Dumbfounded, I slowly make my way past the lady and into Dapo’s office. I slam the door behind me and Dapo raises his head to look at me. Suspecting that I was privy to the drama earlier, Dapo immediately switched from an angry look to an apologetic one. He was about to speak when I hold my hand up in a gesture that implied that I need him to keep quiet. “Dapo, if that is your child and the mother of your child, what does that make me?”. “That is not my …..” he starts trying to explain but I cut him off before he can explain himself.”Dapo, DONT TOUCH ME. STAY AWAY FROM ME!” I say and then I storm out of his office, sobbing uncontrollably.

I start to drive my car but I can barely see through my tears and I know I am in no condition to drive. I park the car and begin to cry so hard not believing what had just happened. Looking down, I notice my white skirt is stained with a mix of make up consisting of foundation, eyeliner, mascara and probably some powder. Great! so physically and emotionally, I am in no condition to return to work. I decide I have to go back home and so when my tears subside, I climb down from my car. After locking the doors, I walk forward, as I put the keys in my bag, to hail a cab. A couple of minutes later, I start to feel light-headed and I suspect that it must be standing in the sun. All of a sudden, it all just goes black.

‘I fainted on the streets of Lagos’ I think to myself as my mum recounts the experience to me. Turns out one of the security guards sitting outside  the building I was standing in front of saw me, and called for an ambulance. it’s been only a couple of minutes since I woke up, although from what my mum says, I have been out for about 3 hours. ‘What were you doing in front of that building under the hot sun?” my mum asks. I start to think about what really I was doing there and I remember what transpired in Dapo’s office earlier but I cannot tell her the truth so I tell her I was going for a meeting nearby.

Work! I remember I was supposed to have a meeting with a prospective member of staff (we are a small start-up and so for now, I head HR as well as being a co-managing partner). “Mummy, can I have my phone, I need to call Tunji, I was supposed to have a meeting” I say. “Over my dead body. Work work work, that’s all you know. I already called him not long ago and I called  Dapo as well. Tunji told me he would be around in about an hour and Dapo said he was on his way”she said. “Haba, Mummy who told you to call Dapo. I don’t like it oo”I said. “Ahn ahn, So you are saying I should not have called Dapo. Isn’t he your boyfriend anymore”noticing my facial expression when she called Dapo my boyfriend, she asked if something was wrong between Dapo and I. Just then the Doctor comes in and he saves me from having to tell my mother that her close friend’s son who happens to be my boyfriend got another girl pregnant.

The doctor tells me that I have been under too much stress lately and so I would need to take some days off work but I will get discharged this evening.’At least nothing is wrong with me’ I think to myself while my mum is busy somewhere in the hospital trying to relay the good news to my dad and older brother over the phone. Just as my mum leaves, Dapo comes in. I don’t feel strong enough to get into an argument with him, so I turn my head to face away from him. “please leave Dapo. I am not ready to see you or to talk to you about what happened” I say to him in a hushed tone. I feel myself about to burst into tears but I want to hold on until I know he is gone. “I am sorry but I am not sure that the baby is even mine. I want you to know you are the most important person to me and I never meant to hurt. Since you want me to leave, I will do just that”he says and then it all becomes  quiet except for his footsteps hitting the floor and on cue, I begin to cry.

Not long after I hear someone say “Hello” and I know it is Tunji and so I begin to try to clean my face to get rid of the tear streaks but I fail. Tunji knows as soon as he gets by my bed. He sits on the bed, reaches over and turns me to face him and then says”what is wrong? This had better not have anything to do with Dapo”. I cannot help myself, so I tell him all that happened that day. When I am done, I say “Tunji I beg you not to intervene. This is between Dapo and I. I love him so let me handle this how I want to”. “If that is what you want, then I will not do anything but you need to think long and hard about whether he deserves you or not. You are young and beautiful, I mean many of my friends still want to date you despite the fact they know you are taken, so don’t settle for less” he says.

It’s around 9 pm when I finally get home. My mum agreed to go back home ,only after Tunji promised her that he would sleep over, with a promise to be here bright and early the following morning. Tunji literally carries me in his arms out of the car and into my bedroom. He is sitting on my bed whilst I get changed into my nightie in the bathroom. I cannot help thinking that his wife would be a very lucky woman – judging by how much attention his current wife(his job) gets, I wonder if that woman will ever come. I climb into bed and Dapo goes downstairs to get our things from the car downstairs. He comes back into the room changed into  his pyjamas with a bag of out take out from grills in and out on a tray. He sets the tray on the bed, turns on the cable TV and climbs into bed with me. Not long after eating we fall asleep.

Is it your responsibility to wash his dirty underwear?

 

So………………………..would you? As I write this, I can picture some abokokus thinking to themselves “I can do anything for my le boo a.k.a Olowo ori mi a.k.a the only spoon in my nutella”. Weh done ma!

Before I continuu, let me answer the question.

1.It is not my responsibility, as a woman, to wash his underwear.

2.I will not wash his underwear except he is incapacitated or I feel like(very unlikely though).

3.In all situations, me washing his underwear is out love and not because its my responsibility.

4. Not washing his underwear is not because I disrespect him. I respect him very much and I expect him to give me the respect I deserve – which does not include washing underwear

Whilst a lot of us were growing up, between the ages of 9 and 11, we were taught to wash our underwear right immediately after we take them off or just before getting in the shower(if you ever got that slap after school for hiding your dirty ‘undies’under the bed, raise ya hand!). In my case, I learnt this very important rule about the same time I learnt how to bath myself. So you see why with the way I am set up, I cannot help but wonder why in God’s name, another human being will leave their underwear for someone else to wash talk less of believing that it is someone else’s responsibility to wash your underwear for you. Bros, do you wait for her to clean your shit stained yansh after you take a dump, so why then are you waiting for her to wash your ‘undies’.

This is NOT a rebellion against the ideals of medieval times or its principles, its a rebellion against disrespect. You see the way I am wired , I think it is somewhat disrespectful to drop your trash on the floor for someone else to pick up after you. Same rule applies here. I think it is disrespectful (to the greatest degree) for someone to mandate their significant other to wash their underwear – it’s just as bad as taking a dump in the toilet and mandating your significant other to flush the toilet after you.

Say it or not, NOBODY likes to wash underwear(your’s or someone else’s), however, some tolerate it better than others, to the extent that they can even wash for others. Don’t get me wrong, feel free to wash your partner’s ‘undies’ if you into that kind of stuff *wink*, but don’t force or be forced into washing underwear. All those peeps out there, literally taking his underwear off of him to wash because you think it show you can take care of you ‘man’ and then subsequently improve your chances of getting a ring on that finger – STOPPET!!!!. Remember that what you start in the relationship is what will continue to be in the relationship a.k.a forever is a long time, you will have to become a full time ‘undies washer’. Ready to take that risk? continuuuu!

People! relationship is about compromise. If you did not receive the training mentioned above, I can see why it is not your fault but abeg, don’t make life miserable for that sister. Washing machine, dry-cleaner and washer man/washer woman (maybe you should get a nanny……could be better) are alternative methods available to you. IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE HER!

Underwear washers(afokpayint) vs.Non underwear washer – let me know where you stand and what you think by commenting or by sending an email, why or why you would not wash his/her underwear. I will be including comments in my next post titled “underwear washers vs. non underwear washer”. WATCH OUT!!!!

Glossary

Abokokus (sing. Abokoku) – women who can do anything for a man i.e. they can die for/with him

Le boo – the boo in French Language

Olowo ori mi – Yoruba sentence used as an endearment for a beloved spouse

Continuuu – continue in a Yoruba accent

Ya – your

Bros – Brother in pidgin English

Yansh – Buttocks

Afokpayint -Pant washer in Youruba Langauage

Abeg – please in broken English

STOPPET – stop it in a Ghanaian accent

The Aso ebi headache – part 2: How to slay without ‘aso ebi’ and ‘gbese’

Disclaimer: This is my opinion and  I am giving it. So whether you have similar or different opinions, scroll down, have a good read and then LIKE, SUBSCRIBE AND COMMENT(let me know what you think and if there is anything I have left out please let me know).

Before I start dishing out tips on how to slay without the ‘aso ebi’ headache, we need to get somethings straight.

  1. Not buying ‘aso ebi’ for a wedding does not always mean that you cannot afford it. It could be that you did not budget for aso ebi that month or you just don’t feel the celebrants deserve for you to buy their aso ebi – yes! except for close family and friends, I do not belive that anyone is obligated to buy your ‘aso ebi’. So stop feeling entitled, my dear it’s a privilege!
  2. Not wearing ‘aso ebi’ does not mean that you are not cool or that you are out-of-place. So, stop feeling that way – its in your head. And if you know you will feel that way, just don’t go for the wedding.

Now that we have gotten that over with, lets move to the main business of today. Here are some tips on how to slay without ‘aso ebi’ and ‘gbese’

  1. The standby white or silver lace – I find that the gele part of the ‘aso ebi’ can be quite affordable compared to the main fabric and the truth is that most of these geles can tend to go very well with white or silver. Dear sisters, GO and GRAB your Copy now!!!!! Get your white lace made into simple ( I say simple style because those hardly ever go out of style) custom-made dresses. The key to maintaining white is in numbers, so make sure you have a couple and so you can swap them.
  2. Colours in style – fortunately, I find that during some period you find that almost all the weddings have a certain colour running as theme. So, if you have a good eye for this kind of stuff, you may like to get a fabric custom-made into a dress for the weddings you attend in that period.
  3. Re-use and Recycle your old ‘aso ebis’ – I wonder who got it into people’s heads that you cannot wear your ‘aso ebi’ after the occasion it was picked for – don’t be deceived people it is not a crime. There is no crime in doing this, but if you don’t feel too comfortable doing this, you can change the style for the fabric – it will have you feeling like its new.
  4. Matching with the colours – Instead of buying the new aso ebi, you can buy similar colours as the aso ebi. I know of someone who had ‘aso oke’ made in every colour so she can avoid having to buy the ‘aso ebi’. So if the ‘aso ebi’ colours are pink and champagne. She would either use her pink or champagne ‘aso oke’ with a lace fabric in the other colour.
  5. Go English – Aso ebi is our traditional wear and so if you don’t mind standing out, going totally opposite in a regular ready to wear dress could be a great idea. To do this successfully, you need to make sure the fabric is brightly coloured and styled appropriately.

And that’s it!

Now you don’t have to declare bankruptcy just because you want to wear ‘aso ebi’ because you definitely can slay without it.

Glossary 

Aso ebi – uniform fabric worn at Nigerian ceremonies

Aso oke – Woven fabric used to make ‘aso ebi’ head gear

Gele (plu. geles) – Nigerian head gear

Gbese – debt

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Thank you for reading. Hope you had a good read?

The Wedding Fever Part 3 – How did we meet?

Like Rihanna and Calvin Harris sang, we really did find love in a hopeless place. This hopeless place is the Nigerian Law School in Abuja. I had just returned to Nigeria on successful completion of my Law undergrad in the UK and I was back in Nigeria to attend law school. As a returnee, you first have to go through the Bar one course over the summer holiday before you begin Bar two in October. Dapo was in Bar two and about to begin his final exams when we met. Dapo was very popular on the campus for his play boy behavior and he was that guy that freshers were warned about. Every time he left campus, he was accompanied by a driver in a private car and an escort car.

On one fateful Saturday, he decided to snick off the campus with some of his friends to go to a party in a hotel. He and his friends got really drunk and while his friends decided to go on to another club, he decided to pass the night at the hotel. Coincidentally, this was the same hotel I had breakfast every Saturday morning with mum’s friend whom she told to keep an eye on me. After breakfast, she told her driver to drop me off at the campus outside town. As we  drove, I saw Dapo walking along the road with no shoes, I recognised him and asked the driver to stop. I asked if he was a law school student and I knew it was him, so I offered him a lift and we dropped him at law school. Later, I would find out that someone stole his card holder and the cash he had on him was not enough, so he put his shoes and watch down so that he gets back when he eventually paid his debt.

On Monday, I was walking towards the hostel from the classroom when I saw Dapo striding towards me. “hello, I just want to say thank you for the other day and also thank you for not telling anyone about it” he said. “you’re welcome” I said. “I did not ask for your name the other day. I am so sorry, I was just so embarrased”he said. “it’s ok. My name is Adewonuola”I said. “My name is Adedapo Doherty. You’re Wonuola what?.”

“Adeyele.”

“Can I call you dewonu?”

“why not Wonu, thats what everyone calls me”

“well, I guess I want to be different dewonu” at this point we have reached the front of my  hostel, So I tell him and he says “I guess I will see you around then Dewonu” we said our goodbyes and he walked off.

After this time, I did not see or speak to Dapo until his call to bar party. My mum had informed me that she was coming to Abuja to attend her friends son’s call to bar and she will like to see me. Turns out this friend was Dapo’s mum and Dapo was the Son. But I did not know this until the call to bar party at Intercontinental hotel, Abuja. Being one of the only young females at the event, it was not hard for Dapo to miss me. Just as he was coming over to say hello his mum was coming over to say hello to my mum. My  mum introduced me to his mum first and then his mum introduced him to my mum and I. Dapo interrupted he and said that we had already met.

“That’s good then. I guess I can leave you two to catch up whilst I talk to your mum.” Dapo’s mum said to me and then she walked off with my mum.

“I am sorry I did not try to contact you again after that time. It’s not like I am ungrateful, just that I did not get your number that day and then finalsstarted to happen” he said.

“its ok” I said” and then we launched a conversation that was so interesting that when it was time to settle for dinner he chose to sit with me rather than his parents and his friends. We did not exchange contact that day but two weeks later whilst I was on a break in Lagos, I got a phone call from him. He told me he got my number from his mum who got it from my mum. Mothers!, how did she know I wanted Dapo to have my number.From that point on we became friends.

We started dating on the 20th of January 2015. I remember this date because the following weekend was going to be my 25th birthday and he took me to dinner because he was going to be away on business on my birthday. I had not dated anyone since I was 17 and he teasing me about it, trying to find out why over dinner. I was laughing and then suddenly he said “if you would not date any of those guys out there would you at least date me”. I was so surprise so I told him it was so unexpected and he told me that I should think about it over the weekend. We exchanged texts over the weekend, although it was nothing to do with what he had said over dinner. I had reached a block in drafting a document and I told him about it and we were discussing it whilst we worked on Sunday Night. At 12:01am that read;

“You have had the whole weekend to think about it and I cannot wait another second to know what your answer is. I’ll ask again to remind you what question I am talking about; will you be mine exclusively?”

I was so surprised and because I had not really thought about it, I did not reply his message. On Tuesday evening, my door bell rang and it was Dapo outside my door with Ice cream from my favourite place, Hans & Rene. I thought I would get away with not replying him because he was away on business but I guess I was wrong. He walks in and acts like nothing happened. Once we sit, he give me my agbalumo sorbet and we talk about both our business. At some point he stops and says “you know you hurt me?, if you don’t want to date me, you don’t have to stop being my friend. I think you not replying my message hurt me more than if you had said no”

“Dapo, it not like I don’t want to date you. I…..” “Thank God. Then what is it”he cut me off before I could finish. I look him in the face and tell him my real fear “I just don’t want us to ruin our friendship that has worked well for us for the past 3 years.” He sighs and says “Ok then lets agree no matter what happens with our dating our friendship  would always be more important. Friends first?” “Ok then friends first” I say. “Wait, I am confused, did you just agree to date me?” I start to clear up the table and am about to start walking to the kitchen. On my way I answer”yes”. He comes to meet me in the kitchen and says “thank you and I promise I will not hurt you”.

Glossary

Returnee – Someone who has returned to their home country after living in another country for a long time

Oladapo (Dapo) – A Nigerian Name that means- a mix of wealth

Adewonuola (Wonu/Dewonu)- A Nigerian name that means – The crown entered into wealth

Tunji (Babatunji) – A Nigerian name that means – Father has returned

Adeyele – A Nigerian Name that means – This house deserves the crown

Agbalumo – African Cherry

Have a good read?

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The Aso ebi headache – Part 1: What is it all about?

Disclaimer: This is my opinion and  I am giving it. So whether you have similar or different opinions, scroll down, have a good read and then LIKE, SUBSCRIBE AND COMMENT(let me know what you think and if there is anything I have left out please let me know).

‘Aso ebi’ is a uniform fabric worn at Nigerian occasions. The idea behind ‘aso ebi’ is for everyone coming to the occasion(wedding, funeral, birthday etc) to purchase the uniform fabric from the celebrants and the funds raised from the sale of the fabric can go on to support the planning of the special event. Bearing this in mind, you can understand why the celebrants should raise the price of the fabric from the amount it was purchased within reason- the profit goes on to support the occasion.

‘Aso ebi’ has always been in existence in Nigeria, but they’ve recently become very famous for causing people financial headaches.Take for example the 8-part Nigerian wedding could typically have about 3 different ‘aso ebis’ which could cost anything from 10,000 naira and 150,000 naira each- haba!  Not only do you have to worry about the ridiculous pricing of the fabric itself, you have to worry about the cost of making it into a dress. This may not be a problem for much cheaper fabrics(they can be sown by iya Tope fashion designers), but for the more expensive fabrics it is normal to want to to give it a gourmet tailoring experience which could cost, on average, between 10,000 naira and 50,000 naira (depending on whether you do the couturier in Ikoyi or a  fashion designer in Ajegunle).

How much will it cost to slay in your ‘aso ebi’ at  the introduction, engagement and reception ceremonies at a Nigerian wedding? Let’s do the maths;

  1. Fabric – min = 10,000, max = 150,000
  2. Tailoring – min = 10,000, max = 50,000

total  –  min =60,000 = (20,000 * 3) and max = 600,000(200,000 *3)

Next question – How much do you earn in a month? This is just on one couple without the cost of accessories, so you can imagine if you spend that amount on each one of all the weddings you attend each month – all I can say is GBESE RE O!

If it was your choice whether to buy the ‘aso ebi’ or not, I don’t think I will be this upset. Some celebrants will drop their aso ebi off at your house to impose buying it on you and when you refuse, they try to the emotional blackmail route. If it ended there, I promise you I would not be this upset but then some celebrants then offer preferential treatments to the ‘Aso ebi’ wearers (e.g. who sits on what table, who gets what souvenirs – you can keep it, I will happily to be both souvenir and gbese free).  If you are one of this type of celebrants, STOPPET! you should not impose your ‘aso ebi’ on people( you might as well keep your invite together with the ‘aso ebi).

For my people who want to slay without ‘aso ebi’ check out my next blog post – The Aso ebi headache- Part 2: how to slay without ‘aso ebi’ and its gbese.

Glossary

Aso ebi – Uniform fabric worn at Nigerian ceremonies

Gbese – Debt

‘Gbese re o’ – this is serious debt

STOPPET – stop it

Iya Tope – Tope’s mother

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Thank you for reading. Hope you had a good read?

Let go, and let God.

In the spirit of Toke Makinwa’s book (check out my review of her book at https://365dayswithoutborders.wordpress.com/2017/01/28/a-book-review-toke-makinwas-on-becoming/) , I decided to call this blog post ‘Let go and Let God’.

It seems like it was only yesterday that we celebrated coming into the new year and now we are already a month into the year 2017 and some of us have already started to worry. Today being the 1st of February 2017, I have come to you, my dear  readers, with a word of advice – to let go and let God take control.

At times we are so focused on what we want and where we want to be at a particular time that we forget that God is in total control. God loves us and by so doing, he wants the best for us. Therefore,anyway things go, whether in it’s in line with what you want or not, remember as you go into the second month of 2017, that there is an intentional God up there. Stop beating yourself over what you have not achieved, what deals went south or what you will eat, remember that God provides for lesser organisms and so he will sort you out.

2017 shall be your year to pursue, overtake and recover all you lost in the past year. If you did not see that happening in January, trust God that it will happening another month and when it comes, it will not be at a more perfect time.