The TMI Tag

  1. What are you wearing – A powder blue top and a grey and black skirt
  2. Ever been in love – Not yet…..can’t wait to see what the fuss is all about
  3. How tall are you – 5ft 1in
  4. How much do you weigh – 56kg
  5. Any Tatoos – None….I am not kin on scaring my skin
  6. Any piercings – one piercing on each ear
  7. Favorite show – I have too many but at this second on this day, it is ‘Being Mary Jane’
  8. Favorite band – SDC – show dem camp and Maroon 5 (Adam Levine is bae)
  9. Something I miss – Ebeano chicken shawarma(you know if you know)
  10. Favorite songs – I am loving Omo Wobe Anthem by Burna boy and Olamide; and Adore her by Poe and Funbi.
  11. Zodiac sign – Pisces
  12. Quality I look for in a partner – The most important things I look out for are: the ability to care and love deeply; prospects of being successful (i.e. Intelligent, hardworking, and dedicated – overall, sha serious about being successful – I did not say desperate o!); and Tall (I need to help my children.)
  13. Favorite quotes – 1. “Watch your thoughts, for they will become actions. Watch your actions, for they’ll become… habits. Watch your habits for they will forge your character. Watch your character, for it will make your destiny.”- Margret Thatcher. 2. “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”-Bernard M. Baruch
  14. Favorite color(s): Blue,Teal, Orange, Purple, Black and White
  15. Loud or soft music: Honestly it depends on my mood. Sometimes I want something soft and quite and other times I want really LOUD music
  16. Where do you go when you are sad – Mostly my room. I just always find comfort in my own space
  17. How long does it take you to shower: Between 5-10 minutes. But on average about 6 minutes because I tend to be in a hurry most of the time (blame it on the extra sleep)
  18. How long does it take to get ready in the morning: On a no make-up day, roughly 10 minutes and on a make-up day, between 20 and 30 minutes
  19. The reason I started blogging: To pour out some of the crazy things that swirl around in my head all day, to give people a good read and to connect with new people.
  20. Last book I read: Everything good will come by Sefi Atta
  21. Book I am currently reading: Check my side bar
  22. Last person I talked to: My cousin, Tayo
  23. Relationship between myself and the last person I texted: Friendship – really close friends
  24. Favorite food: Jollof rice: white rice and fried stew; and mixed okro and any swallow,especially Pounded Yam….Oh Lord!
  25. Places I want to visit: Nice, France and Accra, Ghana
  26. Favorite sweet flavor: Butter mint, spearmint and vanilla
  27.  Favorite piece of jewelry: I had a really cute pair of gold earrings but now I have lost one ear – so sad
  28. Last song I sang: Amaghimo by Password – horrible attempt because I could not properly pronounce most of the words of the song
  29. Who should answer these questions next: Oluchee@ idle head and Oma @ OMA’S SERENDIPITY

The Hypocritical Dedication

I stare at his face and for the third time this week, I feel a rush of emotions. Those brief couple of seconds between the moment I finally pushed him out of my uterus and his first gulp of air amid his tears, I felt a very similar rush of emotions. It’s a cocktail of emotions: the pain I felt during the incident that brought about his existence; the fear of the situations where he will be deprived of certain things because of how he came about; the joy that he came out alive; and the fear of what he would think of me, his mother.

Today, I heard it from the pastor himself – my son will not be dedicated in church on a Sunday during the service, he will be dedicated on a weekday in secret. The two women sat behind me in the mother’s corner of the church last Sunday had said pretty much the same thing. The one with the six month old daughter, Bose, had said “Look at her, filling a dedication form for a child born from fornication. Does she really think that the Pastor will dedicate that child?”. The other lady had replied saying she had heard that I had my baby for a married man and so I was not only a fornicator, but an adulterer and a home breaker, after which she went on to give a detailed explanation of how she would castrate her husband if he ever got a woman pregnant. I never explained to anyone the circumstances surrounding Ebunife’s birth and the whole church had resorted to spreading rumors with fabricated theories. It was in moments like this that I took my mum’s experience when she left my father , as good enough reason not to deeply involve myself in church activities. My mother was that woman who was on every church committee, she was a church worker and she even preached on some Sundays, but as soon as she left my Father, she was treated no better than a new member.

Maybe my mother and I should have explained our stories. Hers of how she was serially battered into submission; how she was forced to financially sponsor her husband’s drinking habit; how she made up excuses to her children for his absence; how she was endured being raped every night for almost four years in her marriage; or how she spent those years at the receiving end of brutal emotional abuse. Mine of how my mother’s experience left me very distrustful in my relationships, and that was why I was not married at 31; how my quick rise to the top my career was because I worked much harder than most people and not because I slept my way there; how Ebunife was born from the forceful stripping of my virginity; how that night, I had only been walking home from exercising on the Lekki-Ikoyi bridge; how the men took turns, one pointing a gun to my head, whilst the other had his way with me; or how I named my precious son, Ebunife, not because he was a product of sweet love-making but because he was a product of God’s love since my attempts at aborting the pregnancy did nothing but increase the complications I had during his birth. We certainly could have told them all this, but question is will they really understand?

I highly doubt this and by her actions, I think my mother will agree with me.These were supposed to be my companions on my journey to a stronger relationship with God. They were supposed to be my guide and to help lift me when I am down. But these were the same people, who against God’s laws, put me down by continually judging me. The same people who would not accept that God has forgiven me and as such, they had no right to continue to look at me through the lenses which they did. The same people who believe that they are much better than I am because they only participate in lesser sins like lying – but who were they kidding , the same bible says that all sins are equal because they all amount to breaking the law. The same people who would not accept that my child was a new being as such my sins, or lack thereof, should not affect him and so they should not treat him differently just because of the circumstances surrounding his birth. The same people that failed to understand that Ebunife entered the world in the same way other babies did and as such he should be celebrated the same way other babies are.

My son, Ebunife, will NEVER be treated less than any child because he isn’t. I have decided that I will not participate in this hypocrisy the church has cooked up to make my son and I feel less than we are. I think to myself, why did I want to dedicate my baby in the first place? I never really put any thought to this and perhaps if this did not happen to me, I wouldn’t have. I find that I have no answer to this question and the only reason I was ever interested in the topic of baby dedication was because it was something all mothers were expected to do to their new-born in church. I start to search the bible for the true meaning and implication of baby dedication. I found the story of Mary – dedicating Jesus in the Temple in Jerusalem and Hannah – promising to dedicate her child to God, if he gave her one. A baby dedication is a public declaration by parents that they will train their child in the way of the Lord. But really, how many publicly dedicated babies ended up not being trained in the way of the Lord?

The following Sunday after the episode with the pastor, I remain after the church service.  I notice there are only a few church members left and so I tell Risi, the nanny, to sit with our bags while I carried Ebunife to the church altar along with a bottle of olive oil . I open the bottle of oil and go on my knees and I begin to cry to God. I tell him I have brought this child to him for his care and protection and that I promised to train Ebunife in his ways.  When I am done, I take some of the oil  and use it to make the sign of the cross on his forehead. I walk out of the church carrying my baby with Risi coming behind me, and I resolve not to return to this den of hypocrites A.K.A I am going to another church.

 

Thank you for reading this blog post. But you should know……….This is pure fiction

Debras grace – A wonderful shopping experience

Dear fashionistas in Nigeria,

First of all (don’t go down low), one fashion lover to another,………………………………..this is NOT a sponsored post.

Like a lot of you, I was as clueless as a some men are when it comes to distinguishing between Brazilian hair and  Funmi hair , but now my eyes are clear and I am here to rid you of your clueless-ness too.

So I spent a while searching for a place to shop for work appropriate clothes online. In the cause of my search, I came across a lot of websites that sell female clothes but it was either they did not deliver to the very remote location I have recently found myself, their website looked too shady to be trusted or their sizing at times was confusing and other times non-existent. I was discussing this with my cousin, who then suggested I go to Instagram and there I found bliss with DGL.

I had gone through several clothing retailer but every time I am about to place an order, my friends bad experience (the photo of the outfit on Instagram and the what she got delivered could not have been more different…Lol!) with such vendors changed my mind. Then one day I found DGL. I did not know they had a website but the originality and quality of the photo’s of the products in their instagram posts was enough to convince me to give them a call. When I called, I reached a very pleasant customer service representative who informed me about their website and I was very excited.

That same day, I went on the website to check it out and it was like shopping on the Topshop or Mango website – with a cart and a list of sizes, that were actually available, to pick from. On this same fateful day I order the following three items;

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7 days later, I added a pair of trousers, a dress and a skirt to my closet.

I will start by answering the biggest question I had which was about delivery? They deliver outside Lagos, in a reasonable time span and at a reasonable cost. The total cost of getting my items shipped was 3000 Naira and it came within 5 working days to a location about 4 hours outside Lagos.

The next big thing that crossed my mind when I was searching in affordability of the clothes? Yes they are very affordable. Considering our current economic situation, I most certainly expected the clothes to be more expensive – I wonder if they will be much cheaper when things get better. Anyway the cost of clothing item range from about 4,000 naira to 8,000 naira which is really just between £10.00 and £20.00! How great is that?

Affordability is one thing and quality is another thing, I know! But at DGL, they are one and the same. The items look like they are of very good quality in their photos and that’s exactly what they are. I did not order any item that looked a different color or form from what it was on the website you get exactly what you see, no jokes!

In conclusion (because this is very essential in letter writing according to my junior secondary school English teacher), DGL is the place for affordable, good quality clothes with affordable speedy nationwide delivery. So get shopping!

P.S. – I will like to shout out to Yetunde, the nice customer service personnel I spoke to when I called! and all the other DGL team members that helped to get me my order in time.

Yours sincerely,

A fashion lover!

Church doctrines vs What the bible says

Disclaimer: This is my opinion and I am entitled to it! I am no Christianity guru, I am only just learning and understanding God and what he expects. Please read and enjoy and let me know in the comment section what you think

I find that lately, that more than ever before we have become before slaves to church doctrines at the expense of what the good book says.

P.S: I am not saying that church doctrines are always on opposite sides as the bible. I am only discussing instances where I feel they are

A quick example was what I heard whilst  watching a certain church program last weekend. It was a sort of general marriage counselling program where people asked questions on certain situations they faced in their relationships i.e. marriage and dating. A lady asked if she could marry the a christian from another church denomination and the person in charge of answering the questions replied saying “In this church, we allow our members to marry from any church denomination except the white garment churches”.  People I was shocked, how can a church represent something that the bible is totally against- namely judging and condemning others (Luke 6:37).

Some say some white garment churches have been found in the past not to be totally Godly in their ways. But really who are you to judge?, I am quite sure if we dig deep enough some pastors in some of this church’s, that is busy condemning other sects, branches are not all totally Godly in their ways as well – who knows! But that does not give me the right to claim that all the other church branches are unholy in their ways.

I also gather that the white garment churches may have certain practices which is different from other what most other churches have. But different does not always mean bad! Besides how do you know who is worshiping God and practicing Christianity in the right way, talk less of knowing your way of worshiping God is the correct.

I don’t know it all but I just don’t understand why certain church denominations feel that they are better than others, when its the same bible that says ‘with pride comes disgrace and with humility comes wisdom’ (Proverbs 11:2). Please can someone explain to me how this is not a form of brainwashing. The bible,which is the main and only guide on how to live as a Christians, says we should not do something but because our church doctrine implies that we should do it, we go ahead to do it.

The honest truth is that I often wonder;

do these churches, with their all righteous doctrines, ever really understand the bible?

why do we believe that the churches with their doctrines are the most correct interpretation of the bible or that they cannot mislead us?

why do churches fail to practice what they preach? After all, its this same churches that tell us not to judge or condemn other people

that even if these churches are right about the ungodliness of other denominations, do they believe the Jesus way is to condemn and isolate them? because as far as I know, the right thing to do is to accept them with the hope that you can help them move closer to God.

Maybe I am the one who sees things from a ridiculous perspective or could it be that my eyes have opened to the perspective that we should be looking at things through or maybe I am just wrong and I don’t know.

If you have answers to the questions I have asked above please kindly answer it in the comment section.

 

 

 

The Wedding Fever Part 6(b) -Appologies

“I am going in to the office” I hear in a hushed tone whispered into my ears and I know it is Tunji. With my eyes closed, I give a grumpy response saying “Ok. Have a good day”.

It’s around 10am when I finally wake up and I don’t remember the last time I slept in this late. You would think I should feel more refreshed with over 12 hours of sleep, instead I feel much worse than I felt yesterday – jaded to the bone. First I smell something good and then I hear her voice – it is my mother is shouting at Hauwa, her longest-serving maid but I cannot make out what exactly she is shouting about. I get out of bed and head downstairs to join them.

I go on my knees and say “ekaaro ma, e se ana ma”. “Good morning to you too. We thank God. I hope you are feeling much better, pele Omo mi” my mum replies. “I am a little tired but we thank God”I say. “Why don’t you have breakfast, take your medicine and then you can go back upstairs to rest” she says. After a steaming plate of moi-moi and pap, I take my medicine and head to my bedroom to get some rest.

“Wonu” I hear my mum call. I open my eyes and sit up to find her sitting next to her. I look at the desk clock beside me and Wow!, it’s already 4pm. It did not feel like I was asleep for that long. My mum signals for Hauwa, who is standing behind her, to set the tray of food she is carrying on my duvet clad thighs. She does this and then leaves my room. I lift up the lid to find a bowl of boiled plantain sliced in small pieces into a bowl of goat meat pepper soup – my favorite food in the world. “Thank you mummy” I say and she replies telling me to eat whilst she seats watching me. Mid way through my meal she says “Wonu, I need to talk to you”.

“Se ko si”I say

“Nothing really. It’s about Dapo. His mother called me.” she says and I know there is no way my mum knows what really happened between us else she would be angry not apologising on his behalf. “you know these men, they can be very silly at times and they mature much slower than we women. So irrespective of what he did, you should forgive him. Please my dear. His mother said that you have refused to see him and so he can explain himself, just let him see you” she says.

“Mummy, it hurts me so much that you would intervene in my relationship with Dapo and it hurts even more that you would ask me to forgive him. Mummy, e ma se mi” I say

“Ok, ma binu, lets stop talking about Dapo so you can eat your food. That reminds me your dad and brother want to talk to you. They both called but your phone is switched off and so it didn’t go through.” she says

“I turned it off because I did not want anyone to disturb me but I will turn it on later and give both of them a call back” I say and then I continue eating my food.

When I am done, my mum calls for Hauwa to take the tray away. “I have cooked some sweet potato porridge for you and Tunji for dinner. Tunji is on his way home. Make sure you get enough rest and I will come back to see you tomorrow”my mum says and I am secretly glad that she will be back tomorrow. I see her off to the car and then tip Hauwa with a sum of two thousand naira for her efforts.

It’s Sunday, I feel 200% and I return to work tomorrow, the world could not be more perfect now- except for my broken heart. Tunji and I are on the way to lunch with our parents at my parent’s house. Kabiyesi, my father, has expressed his desire to see his beautiful daughter, Wonu, today and that makes me very happy. We arrive at my parent a couple of minutes past 1 and so Tunji and I help my mum and his mum get the table ready.

I go up to my mum’s room to grab her phone per her request. I open the door and walk in to the room and guess who is sitting on the stool by my mum’s dresser – Dapo. My heart skips, I have not seen him in four days and I realise that I have missed him but my anger over shadows that. I turn around to go back to the door and he reaches out and grabs me . “Please Wonu, give me a chance to explain myself” he says on his knees. I rid myself of him and go straight to the door but when I try to open the door, I find its locked and I smile to myself. “what is the meaning of this?” I ask looking in his direction.

“I will open the door to let you out after you might have listened to all I have to say”he says

“YOU THINK YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO DEMAND ANYTHING FROM ME” I yell and before I can stop myself, I start to cry.”You…..hurt …… me …..Dapo” I say in between sobs and raise my hands to cover my face. He walks over to me and removes my hand and walks me over to the bed for me to sit.

“I am sorry for everything I did to hurt you, Wonu” he says on his knees. “the baby is not mine, she lied. I took a DNA test on Wednesday and the baby is not mine” he says looking intently into my eyes as I stare at him crying.

I stopped crying to take a brief pause to digest all he said. The tears dry on my face and after a couple of minutes he says “Wonu, please say something. I can show you the test if you want proof. But please, stop being mad at me. I have gone crazy these past few days. It is the longest I have gone without talking to you in about 4 years”

After a couple of minutes, I finally speak”But you thought the baby was yours initially, why? and who is she by the way”.

“I don’t know her real name, I know her as Sandra. Do you remember that night when you told me about your celibacy and I stormed out angry? I picked her up on my way home”he says looking down at everywhere but at me. “I was drunk and angry that night Wonu. Please forgive me. I promise you that I have taken this celibacy journey with you since that day. I am so sorry I hurt you. I have never deserved you and now I truly know it, but please prove to me that you are a much better person than I am by forgiving me” he says.

I laugh and even when I felt like stopping the confused look on his face kept me going.”better person? I don’t mind being the same person as you” he opens his mouth like he is about to speak but I shut him up saying “Wait! what would have happened if the child was actually yours?, how am I meant to trust you again?, how do I know that you will not go cheating on me again the next time you are angry, drunk and horny? Now that I have heard all you have to say can I have the keys”

Dumbfounded, he brings the key out of his pocket and hands it to me. Immediately, I take the keys from him, run out of the my mum’s room and into mine. I lock the door behind me and grab my phone out of my bag. I text Tunji to come upstairs to my room and to call me as soon as he is at the door. He does exactly as he is told, I open the door and lock it behind him again. I sit on the bed and he sits beside me and then I start to rant ,to him, how I really feel.

“I think you still love him but you don’t think you should forgive him for what he has done”he says when he is done. I think about it for a while and then I say “You know what, I think you are right but I need him to see that what he has done is unacceptable. If I take that kind of behavior from him now, I have to be ready to take the same or worse if I get married to him. And then, how am I meant to trust him after this?”. “You are right and you will have to make him work hard to earn your trust. Pause on loving him till he proves he is trustworthy because there is no love without trust. I will say give him another chance and let him earn it”Tunji says. “I have a plan”I think to myself and we go down to lunch to find Dapo is gone but his parents are joining us.

“I have a text from Dapo…..Should I open it or ignore it” I say to Tunji in the car on our way home, it is the first opportunity I have had to check my phone since we got to my parents. “whatever you want”he says to me. I decide to open it and I read it content and it says;

‘I am glad I had a chance to explain myself to you today but I have one more request(you made it clear already that I don’t deserve to take anything from you again but I beg you with our four-year old friendship and one year plus relationship to please give me an answer). Please let me know if you still have any feelings for me, if there is still a chance that we can make this work’

I read the text again as soon as I tuck myself in bed. I am glad that Tunji is sleeping in the guest room so he does not see how happy this text makes me. I type out my first reply,’yes’, but then I decide against it remembering my plan to make him work hard to get me back. So I go with ‘maybe’ and then I send it. Almost immediately, I get a text from him saying;

‘That is good enough for me. I love you very much and I will make it my mission to show you just how much from today. As for answers for your questions from earlier, how about the following; 1. If that child was mine, I would have accepted responsibility for it but it would  not change how much I LOVE YOU. 2. You will trust me again, I will show you just how much I deserve it because I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH. 3. I have learnt my lesson, I promise you anger, drunkenness and horny are three things I will never experience at the same time again besides I LOVE YOU and I plan to keep my promise to be celibate till we get married(oh yes, I will find a more perfect time to ask after I prove 1 & 2 above to you).

How am I meant to stay mad at him when he says things like this.

Glossary

Oladapo (Dapo) – A Nigerian Name that means- a mix of wealth

Tunji (Babatunji) – A Nigerian name that means – Father has returned

‘ekaaro ma, e se ana ma’ – Good morning ma, thank you for yesterday.

‘pele omo mi’ – Sorry(take care) my child

‘e ma se mi’ – Don’t upset me

‘ma binu’ – Don’t get angry – an appology

Kabiyesi – Literal  meaning is Unquestionable used to refer to a King

 

The cure for HOMESICKNESS – 8 West African YouTube series

Anyone else like free, good quality and interesting West African series?

Watching Nigeria or African web series was something I started off as panacea to my homesickness. Every time I found myself reminiscing about life at home, I watched  the TV series that I will be talking about in this blog post.

If you ever find yourself in the longing for some African drama, then its worth watching some or all the TV series that are on this list

8. Shuga (Nigeria and Kenya): This soap opera is created with the intention to create awareness about contracting and living with HIV and AIDS – honestly, this alone already makes me love it!. The best the series is that each it was shot on different countries in Africa – the first two season were shot in Kenya and featured the award-winning Lupita Nyong’o,  whilst the third and fourth seasons were shot in the beautiful city of Lagos, Nigeria and featured some of the biggest names in the Nigerian music and acting industries e.g. Tiwa Savage and Chris Attoh. The best part is the series has been renewed for a fifth season, so start watching. All the episodes(season 1-4) are available in a playlist here

7. Our best friend’s wedding (Nigeria): I don’t think I have ever seen a fictional character more desperate to get married since Katherine Heigl in the 27 dresses LOL! Charles finds out some shocking news and this has driven him to want to get married ASAP. He decides the best place to start is with his ex-girlfriends, but his past as a play boy makes finding ‘the one’ amongst them very difficult and hilarious. His best friends, Jade and Kemi, have made a list of rules to guide his actions on his tryst, but will he follow them? They have only just started the first season, so find out here.

6. Gidi up (Lagos, Nigeria): The show follows the lives of four friends, Eki – the talented photographer, Tokunbo- the tech start-up guy, Yvonne-the struggling fashion designer and Obi – the budding radio presenter and wanna be Lagos big boy. it covers everything from their relationships to their careers and how the young adults are getting through life in the city of Lagos. Although the show suffered a change of cast in between its first and second season, the twist and turns of the plots remained indulgent. After a long 3 year break, Tokunbo and the gang are back in a new season, with more interesting cast e.g. Odunlade Adekola and snapchat sensation, Bobrisky.

5. Love Games (Lusaka, Zambia): Another HIV and AIDS awareness TV series, sponsored by USAID, love games follows the lives of five women, Mimi , Carol, Womba, Tamara and Tasheni, who live in the city of Lusaka. The reason I have put this show above Shuga is because I found it more informative about its subject matter than its counter part. It has only two season, so go check it out here and be informed.

4. This is it (Lagos, Nigeria): All I can say is thumbs up Lowladee, the show literally screamed drama. The show follows the life of a couple, Dide and Tomide(tee) in the first couple of months in their marriage. Tomide, played by Nick Mutuma (you know if you know), is a loving caring Nigerian-Kenyan husband to Dide, a paranoid stay at home wife. In the last episode Dide has to make tough decision between Tee and another important part of her life. Find out what she chooses here!

3. Rumour has it (Lagos, Nigeria): This show follows the scandalous life of celebrity vlogger diva queen of amebo, obi obi.Some say that the shows seems to have copied the scandal in the lives of music icon Tiwa Savage, blogger Linda Ikeji and OAP Toke Makinwa. Creators of the show claim this is not the case, but I guess you’ll have to be the judge of that. I hope this show comes back for another season, but here’s for season 1

2. Skinny girl in transit (Lagos, Nigeria): Tiwa, her mother and sister, Shalewa are the biggest clowns. As a plus size woman in Lagos, Tiwa faces challenges from her relationships to her career and the show tells it all.it has both comedy and drama, see for yourself here

1. An African City (Accra, Ghana): This is the African version of Sex and the city. it follows the lives of Nana yaa, Sade, Makena, Ngozi and Zainab, five ladies who have moved back to Ghana after several years spent living abroad. Sadly, only the first episode is available on YouTube but with episodes like ‘a sexual real estate’ and ‘an african dump’ its worth it to see what’s available. Watch season 1 here.