HAIR DRESSING EXPERIENCE – home service or home safice

I often wonder why certain hair dressers are so badly behaved. Before hair dressers, whose profession I respect, come for me for being the bad customer (and so deserving of the bad experience, read the highlighted points below first.

  1. I invited a hairdresser to provide her services for me at home. She told me over the phone that she would be along at a certain time but she unapologetically waltzes in a whole hour after the time she promised.
  2. At some point, I noticed she had put too much pull on my baby hairs to weave the cornrows – y’all know how uncomfortable that can be and so I told her to correct that on the future cornrows she would weave.
  3. When I raise my hand with a mirror in it to make sure that she is weaving what exactly I wanted, she smacked my hand down and then made up some silly superstitious BS – She said that her weaving will get slower if I look at her weaving in the mirror. I concede to stop her from giving this an excuse for spending so much time on my hair
  4. Half way through weaving my hair, I excuse myself to go the bathroom where I see the cornrows are not taking the shape that they are supposed to. I tell her and instead of conceding that she did not know how to make the style I want (or trying to correct the mistake she made) she continued with the mistake I had corrected her about and so I end up with a hairstyle that is very ugly and is not in any way what I want.
  5. Whilst she was making my hair, I ran out of my a bottle of R&R luxury coconut oil and so I got another  one. Can you believe that she went ahead to take away the spray bottle, even though I told her I wanted to use it?
  6. At the end, despite not satisfying my demands and stealing(or whatever you might like to call taking what does not belong to you) from me, she had the audacity to ask for a full payment –  which I most definitely did not give her – I paid her 500 naira less (let me know if you would have done otherwise in the comment section or by email).

Here is one for all those hair dresser that are not that different from our aunty home safice above:

  1. Don’t try to wing it (a.k.a freestyle) – If you know you cannot meet your customer’s hair style demands, tell them before you begin to weave their hair. This is so that the customer can either change their mind or accept blame if they insist on making it and you don’t get it right.
  2. Freestyle-er – If you do decide to wing it against the customer’s knowledge and it is works out – good for you! If it does not work out, don’t expect full payment from the client after all, you did not meet their demands.
  3. Claim-ist – Just because my hair oil or hair cream finishes, or I have left over extensions or tracks, does not mean it automatically belongs to you. Haba, did you buy it with your own money? – as long as don’t have the customer’s permission, taking it is stealing. Don’t say because 365 blog says do not take it until you have permission to validates you to ask the customer – No it does not. Except the customer is about to throw it away, don’t ask – you are not entitled to  it and asking can sometimes put the customer in an uncomfortable position.
  4. Over familiarity – In the words of Jay Ru – ‘ye ma form familiarity’……just stoppet!
  5.  Keep appointments – This applies to both parties, not just the hairdressers. And if you know you can’t make it for the time you originally scheduled, the other party should be contacted.

 

Please like, subscribe and comment(let me know your own home safice or other hair dressing experience – you can also email me!)

Glossary 

safice – service (as pronounced by some people of the yoruba tribe of Nigeria)

Shoboroko says: Are Wizkid and Davido fighting for 2face idibia’s title?

Like rice, cubed sugar, the accents of almost every OAP on Lagos radio stations, pointy nose, and 75.97% of the things that were on the shelves before the 2014 recession, Nigerians have gone again to import something new,  it’s the concept of having a baby mama. So for a very long time, it has not been strange to find women who have had children for a man out of wedlock, but lately the game has changed to invent the title, Baby Mama. Yes! Baby Mama, just like you will refer to a person with a doctorate degree as Doctor (Dr), and a divorced woman as Ms, you can now refer to a woman who had a child for a celebrity either whilst they were in a relationship or as a result of a one, two, three or four nights stand as a Baby Mama(Bm)…….hehehehhhehehhhehhehehehheheh, even monkey won dey relevant.

Before the arrival of this trend and its miraculous inclusion in our regular honorifics, it was popular knowledge that musician, 2Face Idibia, had had children with different women. However, in those not too distant days, the identities and profile of these women were kept low-key and the news of 2face’s exploits were neither publicised or celebrated. How times have changed? In about the same space of time, celebrities Davido, Wizkid, and Olamide announced,separately, that they were expecting their first set of offspring from women who suddenly started to carry the Baby Mama(BM) title, and that was how all began. As with all other trends, it started to spread quickly such that we started to hear of other musicians having baby mamas (even those women who had their children 10 years early were now been listed on the “10 ten hottest celebrity Baby mamas” list), and of course, we spread the trend to the rest of Africa, even to the far corners of Tanzania.

As usual, we not only copy, but we also copy and update or simply just over-use the trend, either to make up for the time the’trend’ took before it got to us or to secure our sense of identity as Nigerians. Same goes for this BM trend, of course we had to over-do it. Why not! I mean we probably already eat more rice than Thailand; an average Nigerian woman’s nose at an Owambe is pointier than Pinocchio’s; our OAPs sound whiter than the whites( with more nose-speaking effects than people from Essex); with Lasagna running out before garri on our store shelves; and finally our celebrities with more children born out of wedlock than born in wedlock, and a collection of baby mamas ranging in size, shapes, tribes and skin color who are featured on lifestyle magazines without any real reason for being celebrated

No, I’m not angry, not at all, I’m just sad. Sad because:

I wonder if these women understand, that for this two-word status, all of the possible consequences that this could have on their child if they eventually decide the get married to another man. It will mean that the public already knows that he/she is not you new husband, who you may have asked him/her to call daddy, is not his real father before he is old enough to differentiate between what is real and is not.  it will mean that no matter how hard you and that new Mr. try to make him as much a part of the family, he will always feel like an outsider – especially if you go on to have other kids.

These women have once again shown women as, indeed, the weaker sex, who are content with their sole purpose in life being to bear a mans child to secure their livelihood. They set a standard that is so low and hence will validate men calling hardworking and career driven women as “bitches”.

That these men, have not only shown to other young men that there is nothing wrong with having unprotected sex.

These men have shown that having a child is something to be done when you are wealthy enough to provide for them, rather than when you are responsible enough to provide a secure and loving environment for a child to grown unscathed.

Society has helped these men validate their masculinity through their show of prolificity, by publicly celebrating them and by giving these women social relevance for bearing children for these celebrities….or yeye-brities as I like to call them.

Together, when they, one day, have to tell the stories to their children, the first impression that such a child will have of themselves is that ‘it is public knowledge that I am a result of sex, not love’

——–If I must say so, shout out to all the real baby mothers out there. I mean those who did not deliberately have their children to obtain the Bm status; those who fell victim of circumstance and did not deliberately go out of their way to get pregnant for men because of how much they have in their accounts; those who do not rely 100% on their children’s father to survive; those who were led on to make certain choices based solely on the deceitful ways of the Demons out there and those who may have at some point considered abortion but decided to go ahead to have the child and still provide a good environment for their child to grow.

Shoboroko says: Let’s be real, you’re a tiff (thief)

This is a rant! yes, a rant! A rant on the excessive, somewhat, unreasonable demands that (some) women place on men when they start to itemise what they call the 10 yards of husband material but what I call the 55 yards of madness material

“I don’t want a daddy’s boy, I want #gbogboteamself-mademen, but my ideal man must not be more than 4 years older than you because he needs to be current, trendy and to understand all the inside jokes you make with your friends”………*raised eyebrows* How this is possible? How can a man that joined the work force 3-5 years ahead of to have gathered enough experience to build a company that makes Uber-level returns?

“He should be 30 years old when we get married, no more than 31 anyway. Our first house must be a 5 bedroom house in Ikoyi; his first car, a 2016 Mercedes Benz G-wagon; his wedding present to me, a 2016 Porsche Cayenne; and our honey moon; a PJ trip to an Island he rented for two weeks. Most of all, he must run a legitimate business that got him featured on the 30 under 30 Forbes list” – but how!. Is your husband material going to be a reincarnation of Mark Zuckerberg? How does an average  30 year old come to afford all these luxuries that you have listed from a business that is not YY(yahoo yahoo) a.k.a 419 and its other variations like YY+, YY++, and YY++(squared)

“I don’t want a man that is the first born, too much responsibilities, or the last born, his mum will be too attached to him. In fact, I’ll prefer my mother-in-law to be long dead by the time we get married, to avoid all those mother-in-law drama….abeg! I’m not cut out for that life. And yes, he must be from a monogamous family – no step relatives drama, maybe the 2nd of three boys- I do not want a female sister-in-law, they can be worse the mothers, and not just any family but a real christian family where they will not have had any fetish covenants that can backfire on me and my kids – but they should not be too religious, I cannot stand a family where the whole Christmas holiday is turned into a fervent fasting and prayer galore.” You want your mother-in-law dead! So lets assume she, like most mothers in that time, got married between the age of 22 and 25 and she had your “husband” at 24, if he is 30, your mother-in-law must be about 54. And so you wish death upon your 55-year-old mother-in-law (no matter how dramatic she is)! Just start praying that you do not give birth to a male son, because if you do, your daughter-in-law is bound to wish you death at the early age of 55……….that’s all

“He must be successful. I mean he must have risen well above his peers because he is a dedicated hardworker, but he must show me 100% attention, love and care; make me feel important; be able to command me, dominate me- but not too much, that he becomes controlling or becomes a wife beater; and most of all make me his queen” Haba! so you say he should be controlling but not too controlling to the extent that he beats you i.e. when he says jump, you say how high but yet he allows you to do your own thing…….arrgggghh! Is he Jesus? How do you expect a human being like you to be guarded by such a vague line? how can you be so illogically demanding to expect a man who is a ‘dedicated hardworker’ to show you 100% attention and still be 100% dedicated to his work? Queen ko, Queen ni, keep deceiving yourself!

Are you one of those ladies expecting a man who is 55 yards of madness material? I have an important message for you, and it is that ‘you are are a grrbido, long throat, an Ole (thief), Olojukokoro, wobia, Oloshi, Olodo, and frankly, an Apoda’

Conspiracy theory: “Banana fall on you” – what did Davido mean?

Money fall on you

Banana fall on you

Prada fall on you

cause I’m in love with you

 

Money fall on you

Banana fall on……..holllupppp! Bana..whattttttt! *confused*

This was my reaction when I first heard the song. And Once again, Davido has proves that he is not only a king, but also a confusionist, with this banger. Sooooo…….what exactly did he mean by ‘Banana fall on you’?

Possible theories;

  1. The night before he wrote that line, he had a dream that it was raining bananas the same way Rihanna had a dream about raining men
  2. His daughter, Imade, really enjoys the Banana fruit like many other kids and so whilst his money is falling on her, Prada is also falling on her as well as her favorite, Banana fruit
  3. His girlfriend absolutely loves Dodo and/or Bananas and she told him she missed them the night before because they are going out of season
  4. or maybe B.A.N.A.N.A is a code word for something we don’t know *wink* *wink*

I know you guys have also come up with your own theories of what the falling banana’s means(let me know in the comment section), but seriously, I am tired of speculating, Davido needs to come out and tell us ASAP.

Shoboroko says “Nigerian parents are at it again!”

So this story caught my attention on the Aunty Bella feature on Bella Naija, and for the first time in a while I had nothing to say……..or may be I do (we shall find out). I do not understand why, and how, Nigerian parents have come to believe that their opinions are extremely important when it comes to who their child chooses as a spouse *eyes rolling*.  Just the other day, I was telling my mum about a wedding I was going to attend, and somehow the conversation swayed to how the groom was from Delta state. As soon as I said Delta, she did the God forbid it thing ( you know that thing where they hold their thumb and middle finger together on one hand, take the hand around their head in an anticlockwise motion and then snap – yh that one!) and she said “me, I don’t like that one. people from that side are very wicked”- like fam, am I getting married for you?!

See me see trouble o! who told her its her choice? and what exactly makes her think that she can dictate the tribe I marry from? Anyway today is not about my mum (that will require a whole blog series), so lets not get lost in the stew, let me give you a summary of this lady’s situation.

Miss Bella is an Indian potato, who found love, during her masters degree programme, with a Nigerian cookie. Without informing his parents, Naija cookie decides to propose to this Indian potato, who at that time had already spent a holiday with his family….then katakata bursts! His family want him to marry a girl who is from the same village, and clearly she is not even the same nationality, talk less village (and no! they don’t want her to do some karishika moves to become a member of their village, after existing as an indian for 28 years)…….eeewwwwoooo! Naija cookie loves his potato, as such he has fought his family over this issue. I guess this experience is what triggered FOB’s memory that Nigerian in laws are wicked, anyway, now he is also against the union of this potato and her cookie. The wedding preparations are still in going on, but as a result of this brouhaha, Indian potato has asked Bella Nigerians for advice on what to do. Shoboroko being an active member of this wonderful group, Bella Nigerians, has decided to give her own opinion.

Dear Miss:His family does not want us to get married,

  1. Press PAUSE – Wedding and marriages are an investment –  a lot of expenses – and so before you continue to invest in something that won’t yield your principal(your emotional dedication & money) talk less of the interest (happily ever after & a bella naija wedding), you should pause wedding preparations. This is not an eternal pause, no!, it is to give you time to re-evaluate how much this relationship is worth. You have said his family is strongly opposed to this marriage, and your parents, who initially agreed, are starting to think otherwise. This means that if you decide go ahead with the marriage, it is possible that both parent will remain opposed to your union…..not a great sign!
  2. ‘What Kind of man is he?’ have you even asked yourself that question? Family can be very useful in questioning a man’s behavior. Can you honestly vouch that he will never treat you badly or that there are other people outside of his family who he respects and listens to?……think deeply. You do not want to end up in a situation where he starts behaving badly and there is no one who you can ask to talk to him…….if you have not heard things gets spiritual sharply in Nigeria! 
  3. There is no point in trying to force them like you – you have to realise that it is not something you have done that has caused their hostile behavior, rather, it the fact that you are not what they expected for their son….and so, you can beg from now till rapture comes, it will change absolutely nothing!
  4. Beware of RESENTMENT. He may decide that he wants to go ahead with the marriage i.e. he is willing to become totally estranged from his family for you guys to be able to continue with this marriage. Really and truly, he may mean it, but he is only human. He can love you  more than life itself, but deeply resent you for leading him to have to make that choice and this hint of resentment may only become visible when there are little cracks in your marriage. What I am trying to say is, it is not enough to get him to thoroughly convince you that he is ok with this decision, go to COUNSELLING. In counseling, will be able to work through this situation until you are both happy with your decisions
  5. kill them with kindness – How do I cope once we get married e.g. at family functions? is a question, I am sure, is running through your mind. And you may also think that staying away from such events is the best way to go about it, but you’re wrong. In the comment section of the Aunty Bella post, someone said “kill them with kindness”, and I couldn’t say more or better…………on to number 6!
  6. What is life without taking risks: Love indeed is most important and sometimes it can be worth risking all, but imagine Love as a brick wall, and all the other little things, like finances & family, as nails. Every time any such issues arise, a nail is hammered into the wall. Sometimes, these nails are hit strong enough to chip off little bits of the brick, overtime, enough bits to form a block will have chipped off, and the entire wall will start to breakdown. 

xoxo

Shoboroko!

It’s a Shorelicious Monday…..

Dear readers of the 365 blog,

Today is a very special day for sooooo many reasons;

1. It’s the first day in the month of May

2. It’s the first month in the second quater of this year

3. It’s a Monday when Nigerians don’t have to go to work

4. It’s is a day that celebrates all professional workers

5. It’s the second day of the GT banks food and drinks fair 2017, and……………..you all must go:)

But most importantly….

SHORELICIOUS is going to be at the GT bank food and drinks fair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I will describe shorelicious in instagram language – #madeinNigeria #sweetbuthealthy #fitfam #soulcompanion……get it! It’s a must try!!!!!!!

Their range of products currently includes;

All of which, I 100% approve of……….So make it a shorelicious monday at the GT food and drinks fair. Kindly leave comments below on your Shorelicious experience, follow shorelicious on instagram @Shorelicious and stay tuned to the 365 blog for a review of each product.

Love,

The 365 blog…..

Church doctrines vs What the bible says

Disclaimer: This is my opinion and I am entitled to it! I am no Christianity guru, I am only just learning and understanding God and what he expects. Please read and enjoy and let me know in the comment section what you think

I find that lately, that more than ever before we have become before slaves to church doctrines at the expense of what the good book says.

P.S: I am not saying that church doctrines are always on opposite sides as the bible. I am only discussing instances where I feel they are

A quick example was what I heard whilst  watching a certain church program last weekend. It was a sort of general marriage counselling program where people asked questions on certain situations they faced in their relationships i.e. marriage and dating. A lady asked if she could marry the a christian from another church denomination and the person in charge of answering the questions replied saying “In this church, we allow our members to marry from any church denomination except the white garment churches”.  People I was shocked, how can a church represent something that the bible is totally against- namely judging and condemning others (Luke 6:37).

Some say some white garment churches have been found in the past not to be totally Godly in their ways. But really who are you to judge?, I am quite sure if we dig deep enough some pastors in some of this church’s, that is busy condemning other sects, branches are not all totally Godly in their ways as well – who knows! But that does not give me the right to claim that all the other church branches are unholy in their ways.

I also gather that the white garment churches may have certain practices which is different from other what most other churches have. But different does not always mean bad! Besides how do you know who is worshiping God and practicing Christianity in the right way, talk less of knowing your way of worshiping God is the correct.

I don’t know it all but I just don’t understand why certain church denominations feel that they are better than others, when its the same bible that says ‘with pride comes disgrace and with humility comes wisdom’ (Proverbs 11:2). Please can someone explain to me how this is not a form of brainwashing. The bible,which is the main and only guide on how to live as a Christians, says we should not do something but because our church doctrine implies that we should do it, we go ahead to do it.

The honest truth is that I often wonder;

do these churches, with their all righteous doctrines, ever really understand the bible?

why do we believe that the churches with their doctrines are the most correct interpretation of the bible or that they cannot mislead us?

why do churches fail to practice what they preach? After all, its this same churches that tell us not to judge or condemn other people

that even if these churches are right about the ungodliness of other denominations, do they believe the Jesus way is to condemn and isolate them? because as far as I know, the right thing to do is to accept them with the hope that you can help them move closer to God.

Maybe I am the one who sees things from a ridiculous perspective or could it be that my eyes have opened to the perspective that we should be looking at things through or maybe I am just wrong and I don’t know.

If you have answers to the questions I have asked above please kindly answer it in the comment section.

 

 

 

Is it your responsibility to wash his dirty underwear?

 

So………………………..would you? As I write this, I can picture some abokokus thinking to themselves “I can do anything for my le boo a.k.a Olowo ori mi a.k.a the only spoon in my nutella”. Weh done ma!

Before I continuu, let me answer the question.

1.It is not my responsibility, as a woman, to wash his underwear.

2.I will not wash his underwear except he is incapacitated or I feel like(very unlikely though).

3.In all situations, me washing his underwear is out love and not because its my responsibility.

4. Not washing his underwear is not because I disrespect him. I respect him very much and I expect him to give me the respect I deserve – which does not include washing underwear

Whilst a lot of us were growing up, between the ages of 9 and 11, we were taught to wash our underwear right immediately after we take them off or just before getting in the shower(if you ever got that slap after school for hiding your dirty ‘undies’under the bed, raise ya hand!). In my case, I learnt this very important rule about the same time I learnt how to bath myself. So you see why with the way I am set up, I cannot help but wonder why in God’s name, another human being will leave their underwear for someone else to wash talk less of believing that it is someone else’s responsibility to wash your underwear for you. Bros, do you wait for her to clean your shit stained yansh after you take a dump, so why then are you waiting for her to wash your ‘undies’.

This is NOT a rebellion against the ideals of medieval times or its principles, its a rebellion against disrespect. You see the way I am wired , I think it is somewhat disrespectful to drop your trash on the floor for someone else to pick up after you. Same rule applies here. I think it is disrespectful (to the greatest degree) for someone to mandate their significant other to wash their underwear – it’s just as bad as taking a dump in the toilet and mandating your significant other to flush the toilet after you.

Say it or not, NOBODY likes to wash underwear(your’s or someone else’s), however, some tolerate it better than others, to the extent that they can even wash for others. Don’t get me wrong, feel free to wash your partner’s ‘undies’ if you into that kind of stuff *wink*, but don’t force or be forced into washing underwear. All those peeps out there, literally taking his underwear off of him to wash because you think it show you can take care of you ‘man’ and then subsequently improve your chances of getting a ring on that finger – STOPPET!!!!. Remember that what you start in the relationship is what will continue to be in the relationship a.k.a forever is a long time, you will have to become a full time ‘undies washer’. Ready to take that risk? continuuuu!

People! relationship is about compromise. If you did not receive the training mentioned above, I can see why it is not your fault but abeg, don’t make life miserable for that sister. Washing machine, dry-cleaner and washer man/washer woman (maybe you should get a nanny……could be better) are alternative methods available to you. IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE HER!

Underwear washers(afokpayint) vs.Non underwear washer – let me know where you stand and what you think by commenting or by sending an email, why or why you would not wash his/her underwear. I will be including comments in my next post titled “underwear washers vs. non underwear washer”. WATCH OUT!!!!

Glossary

Abokokus (sing. Abokoku) – women who can do anything for a man i.e. they can die for/with him

Le boo – the boo in French Language

Olowo ori mi – Yoruba sentence used as an endearment for a beloved spouse

Continuuu – continue in a Yoruba accent

Ya – your

Bros – Brother in pidgin English

Yansh – Buttocks

Afokpayint -Pant washer in Youruba Langauage

Abeg – please in broken English

STOPPET – stop it in a Ghanaian accent

The Aso ebi headache – part 2: How to slay without ‘aso ebi’ and ‘gbese’

Disclaimer: This is my opinion and  I am giving it. So whether you have similar or different opinions, scroll down, have a good read and then LIKE, SUBSCRIBE AND COMMENT(let me know what you think and if there is anything I have left out please let me know).

Before I start dishing out tips on how to slay without the ‘aso ebi’ headache, we need to get somethings straight.

  1. Not buying ‘aso ebi’ for a wedding does not always mean that you cannot afford it. It could be that you did not budget for aso ebi that month or you just don’t feel the celebrants deserve for you to buy their aso ebi – yes! except for close family and friends, I do not belive that anyone is obligated to buy your ‘aso ebi’. So stop feeling entitled, my dear it’s a privilege!
  2. Not wearing ‘aso ebi’ does not mean that you are not cool or that you are out-of-place. So, stop feeling that way – its in your head. And if you know you will feel that way, just don’t go for the wedding.

Now that we have gotten that over with, lets move to the main business of today. Here are some tips on how to slay without ‘aso ebi’ and ‘gbese’

  1. The standby white or silver lace – I find that the gele part of the ‘aso ebi’ can be quite affordable compared to the main fabric and the truth is that most of these geles can tend to go very well with white or silver. Dear sisters, GO and GRAB your Copy now!!!!! Get your white lace made into simple ( I say simple style because those hardly ever go out of style) custom-made dresses. The key to maintaining white is in numbers, so make sure you have a couple and so you can swap them.
  2. Colours in style – fortunately, I find that during some period you find that almost all the weddings have a certain colour running as theme. So, if you have a good eye for this kind of stuff, you may like to get a fabric custom-made into a dress for the weddings you attend in that period.
  3. Re-use and Recycle your old ‘aso ebis’ – I wonder who got it into people’s heads that you cannot wear your ‘aso ebi’ after the occasion it was picked for – don’t be deceived people it is not a crime. There is no crime in doing this, but if you don’t feel too comfortable doing this, you can change the style for the fabric – it will have you feeling like its new.
  4. Matching with the colours – Instead of buying the new aso ebi, you can buy similar colours as the aso ebi. I know of someone who had ‘aso oke’ made in every colour so she can avoid having to buy the ‘aso ebi’. So if the ‘aso ebi’ colours are pink and champagne. She would either use her pink or champagne ‘aso oke’ with a lace fabric in the other colour.
  5. Go English – Aso ebi is our traditional wear and so if you don’t mind standing out, going totally opposite in a regular ready to wear dress could be a great idea. To do this successfully, you need to make sure the fabric is brightly coloured and styled appropriately.

And that’s it!

Now you don’t have to declare bankruptcy just because you want to wear ‘aso ebi’ because you definitely can slay without it.

Glossary 

Aso ebi – uniform fabric worn at Nigerian ceremonies

Aso oke – Woven fabric used to make ‘aso ebi’ head gear

Gele (plu. geles) – Nigerian head gear

Gbese – debt

Please LIKE, COMMENT(let me know if there is anything I missed out or anything is not quite accurate) and SUBSCRIBE(To show support and so that you can get an email notification when I post contents)

Thank you for reading. Hope you had a good read?

The Aso ebi headache – Part 1: What is it all about?

Disclaimer: This is my opinion and  I am giving it. So whether you have similar or different opinions, scroll down, have a good read and then LIKE, SUBSCRIBE AND COMMENT(let me know what you think and if there is anything I have left out please let me know).

‘Aso ebi’ is a uniform fabric worn at Nigerian occasions. The idea behind ‘aso ebi’ is for everyone coming to the occasion(wedding, funeral, birthday etc) to purchase the uniform fabric from the celebrants and the funds raised from the sale of the fabric can go on to support the planning of the special event. Bearing this in mind, you can understand why the celebrants should raise the price of the fabric from the amount it was purchased within reason- the profit goes on to support the occasion.

‘Aso ebi’ has always been in existence in Nigeria, but they’ve recently become very famous for causing people financial headaches.Take for example the 8-part Nigerian wedding could typically have about 3 different ‘aso ebis’ which could cost anything from 10,000 naira and 150,000 naira each- haba!  Not only do you have to worry about the ridiculous pricing of the fabric itself, you have to worry about the cost of making it into a dress. This may not be a problem for much cheaper fabrics(they can be sown by iya Tope fashion designers), but for the more expensive fabrics it is normal to want to to give it a gourmet tailoring experience which could cost, on average, between 10,000 naira and 50,000 naira (depending on whether you do the couturier in Ikoyi or a  fashion designer in Ajegunle).

How much will it cost to slay in your ‘aso ebi’ at  the introduction, engagement and reception ceremonies at a Nigerian wedding? Let’s do the maths;

  1. Fabric – min = 10,000, max = 150,000
  2. Tailoring – min = 10,000, max = 50,000

total  –  min =60,000 = (20,000 * 3) and max = 600,000(200,000 *3)

Next question – How much do you earn in a month? This is just on one couple without the cost of accessories, so you can imagine if you spend that amount on each one of all the weddings you attend each month – all I can say is GBESE RE O!

If it was your choice whether to buy the ‘aso ebi’ or not, I don’t think I will be this upset. Some celebrants will drop their aso ebi off at your house to impose buying it on you and when you refuse, they try to the emotional blackmail route. If it ended there, I promise you I would not be this upset but then some celebrants then offer preferential treatments to the ‘Aso ebi’ wearers (e.g. who sits on what table, who gets what souvenirs – you can keep it, I will happily to be both souvenir and gbese free).  If you are one of this type of celebrants, STOPPET! you should not impose your ‘aso ebi’ on people( you might as well keep your invite together with the ‘aso ebi).

For my people who want to slay without ‘aso ebi’ check out my next blog post – The Aso ebi headache- Part 2: how to slay without ‘aso ebi’ and its gbese.

Glossary

Aso ebi – Uniform fabric worn at Nigerian ceremonies

Gbese – Debt

‘Gbese re o’ – this is serious debt

STOPPET – stop it

Iya Tope – Tope’s mother

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Thank you for reading. Hope you had a good read?