The Aso ebi headache – part 2: How to slay without ‘aso ebi’ and ‘gbese’

Disclaimer: This is my opinion and  I am giving it. So whether you have similar or different opinions, scroll down, have a good read and then LIKE, SUBSCRIBE AND COMMENT(let me know what you think and if there is anything I have left out please let me know).

Before I start dishing out tips on how to slay without the ‘aso ebi’ headache, we need to get somethings straight.

  1. Not buying ‘aso ebi’ for a wedding does not always mean that you cannot afford it. It could be that you did not budget for aso ebi that month or you just don’t feel the celebrants deserve for you to buy their aso ebi – yes! except for close family and friends, I do not belive that anyone is obligated to buy your ‘aso ebi’. So stop feeling entitled, my dear it’s a privilege!
  2. Not wearing ‘aso ebi’ does not mean that you are not cool or that you are out-of-place. So, stop feeling that way – its in your head. And if you know you will feel that way, just don’t go for the wedding.

Now that we have gotten that over with, lets move to the main business of today. Here are some tips on how to slay without ‘aso ebi’ and ‘gbese’

  1. The standby white or silver lace – I find that the gele part of the ‘aso ebi’ can be quite affordable compared to the main fabric and the truth is that most of these geles can tend to go very well with white or silver. Dear sisters, GO and GRAB your Copy now!!!!! Get your white lace made into simple ( I say simple style because those hardly ever go out of style) custom-made dresses. The key to maintaining white is in numbers, so make sure you have a couple and so you can swap them.
  2. Colours in style – fortunately, I find that during some period you find that almost all the weddings have a certain colour running as theme. So, if you have a good eye for this kind of stuff, you may like to get a fabric custom-made into a dress for the weddings you attend in that period.
  3. Re-use and Recycle your old ‘aso ebis’ – I wonder who got it into people’s heads that you cannot wear your ‘aso ebi’ after the occasion it was picked for – don’t be deceived people it is not a crime. There is no crime in doing this, but if you don’t feel too comfortable doing this, you can change the style for the fabric – it will have you feeling like its new.
  4. Matching with the colours – Instead of buying the new aso ebi, you can buy similar colours as the aso ebi. I know of someone who had ‘aso oke’ made in every colour so she can avoid having to buy the ‘aso ebi’. So if the ‘aso ebi’ colours are pink and champagne. She would either use her pink or champagne ‘aso oke’ with a lace fabric in the other colour.
  5. Go English – Aso ebi is our traditional wear and so if you don’t mind standing out, going totally opposite in a regular ready to wear dress could be a great idea. To do this successfully, you need to make sure the fabric is brightly coloured and styled appropriately.

And that’s it!

Now you don’t have to declare bankruptcy just because you want to wear ‘aso ebi’ because you definitely can slay without it.

Glossary 

Aso ebi – uniform fabric worn at Nigerian ceremonies

Aso oke – Woven fabric used to make ‘aso ebi’ head gear

Gele (plu. geles) – Nigerian head gear

Gbese – debt

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The Wedding Fever Part 3 – How did we meet?

Like Rihanna and Calvin Harris sang, we really did find love in a hopeless place. This hopeless place is the Nigerian Law School in Abuja. I had just returned to Nigeria on successful completion of my Law undergrad in the UK and I was back in Nigeria to attend law school. As a returnee, you first have to go through the Bar one course over the summer holiday before you begin Bar two in October. Dapo was in Bar two and about to begin his final exams when we met. Dapo was very popular on the campus for his play boy behavior and he was that guy that freshers were warned about. Every time he left campus, he was accompanied by a driver in a private car and an escort car.

On one fateful Saturday, he decided to snick off the campus with some of his friends to go to a party in a hotel. He and his friends got really drunk and while his friends decided to go on to another club, he decided to pass the night at the hotel. Coincidentally, this was the same hotel I had breakfast every Saturday morning with mum’s friend whom she told to keep an eye on me. After breakfast, she told her driver to drop me off at the campus outside town. As we  drove, I saw Dapo walking along the road with no shoes, I recognised him and asked the driver to stop. I asked if he was a law school student and I knew it was him, so I offered him a lift and we dropped him at law school. Later, I would find out that someone stole his card holder and the cash he had on him was not enough, so he put his shoes and watch down so that he gets back when he eventually paid his debt.

On Monday, I was walking towards the hostel from the classroom when I saw Dapo striding towards me. “hello, I just want to say thank you for the other day and also thank you for not telling anyone about it” he said. “you’re welcome” I said. “I did not ask for your name the other day. I am so sorry, I was just so embarrased”he said. “it’s ok. My name is Adewonuola”I said. “My name is Adedapo Doherty. You’re Wonuola what?.”

“Adeyele.”

“Can I call you dewonu?”

“why not Wonu, thats what everyone calls me”

“well, I guess I want to be different dewonu” at this point we have reached the front of my  hostel, So I tell him and he says “I guess I will see you around then Dewonu” we said our goodbyes and he walked off.

After this time, I did not see or speak to Dapo until his call to bar party. My mum had informed me that she was coming to Abuja to attend her friends son’s call to bar and she will like to see me. Turns out this friend was Dapo’s mum and Dapo was the Son. But I did not know this until the call to bar party at Intercontinental hotel, Abuja. Being one of the only young females at the event, it was not hard for Dapo to miss me. Just as he was coming over to say hello his mum was coming over to say hello to my mum. My  mum introduced me to his mum first and then his mum introduced him to my mum and I. Dapo interrupted he and said that we had already met.

“That’s good then. I guess I can leave you two to catch up whilst I talk to your mum.” Dapo’s mum said to me and then she walked off with my mum.

“I am sorry I did not try to contact you again after that time. It’s not like I am ungrateful, just that I did not get your number that day and then finalsstarted to happen” he said.

“its ok” I said” and then we launched a conversation that was so interesting that when it was time to settle for dinner he chose to sit with me rather than his parents and his friends. We did not exchange contact that day but two weeks later whilst I was on a break in Lagos, I got a phone call from him. He told me he got my number from his mum who got it from my mum. Mothers!, how did she know I wanted Dapo to have my number.From that point on we became friends.

We started dating on the 20th of January 2015. I remember this date because the following weekend was going to be my 25th birthday and he took me to dinner because he was going to be away on business on my birthday. I had not dated anyone since I was 17 and he teasing me about it, trying to find out why over dinner. I was laughing and then suddenly he said “if you would not date any of those guys out there would you at least date me”. I was so surprise so I told him it was so unexpected and he told me that I should think about it over the weekend. We exchanged texts over the weekend, although it was nothing to do with what he had said over dinner. I had reached a block in drafting a document and I told him about it and we were discussing it whilst we worked on Sunday Night. At 12:01am that read;

“You have had the whole weekend to think about it and I cannot wait another second to know what your answer is. I’ll ask again to remind you what question I am talking about; will you be mine exclusively?”

I was so surprised and because I had not really thought about it, I did not reply his message. On Tuesday evening, my door bell rang and it was Dapo outside my door with Ice cream from my favourite place, Hans & Rene. I thought I would get away with not replying him because he was away on business but I guess I was wrong. He walks in and acts like nothing happened. Once we sit, he give me my agbalumo sorbet and we talk about both our business. At some point he stops and says “you know you hurt me?, if you don’t want to date me, you don’t have to stop being my friend. I think you not replying my message hurt me more than if you had said no”

“Dapo, it not like I don’t want to date you. I…..” “Thank God. Then what is it”he cut me off before I could finish. I look him in the face and tell him my real fear “I just don’t want us to ruin our friendship that has worked well for us for the past 3 years.” He sighs and says “Ok then lets agree no matter what happens with our dating our friendship  would always be more important. Friends first?” “Ok then friends first” I say. “Wait, I am confused, did you just agree to date me?” I start to clear up the table and am about to start walking to the kitchen. On my way I answer”yes”. He comes to meet me in the kitchen and says “thank you and I promise I will not hurt you”.

Glossary

Returnee – Someone who has returned to their home country after living in another country for a long time

Oladapo (Dapo) – A Nigerian Name that means- a mix of wealth

Adewonuola (Wonu/Dewonu)- A Nigerian name that means – The crown entered into wealth

Tunji (Babatunji) – A Nigerian name that means – Father has returned

Adeyele – A Nigerian Name that means – This house deserves the crown

Agbalumo – African Cherry

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The Aso ebi headache – Part 1: What is it all about?

Disclaimer: This is my opinion and  I am giving it. So whether you have similar or different opinions, scroll down, have a good read and then LIKE, SUBSCRIBE AND COMMENT(let me know what you think and if there is anything I have left out please let me know).

‘Aso ebi’ is a uniform fabric worn at Nigerian occasions. The idea behind ‘aso ebi’ is for everyone coming to the occasion(wedding, funeral, birthday etc) to purchase the uniform fabric from the celebrants and the funds raised from the sale of the fabric can go on to support the planning of the special event. Bearing this in mind, you can understand why the celebrants should raise the price of the fabric from the amount it was purchased within reason- the profit goes on to support the occasion.

‘Aso ebi’ has always been in existence in Nigeria, but they’ve recently become very famous for causing people financial headaches.Take for example the 8-part Nigerian wedding could typically have about 3 different ‘aso ebis’ which could cost anything from 10,000 naira and 150,000 naira each- haba!  Not only do you have to worry about the ridiculous pricing of the fabric itself, you have to worry about the cost of making it into a dress. This may not be a problem for much cheaper fabrics(they can be sown by iya Tope fashion designers), but for the more expensive fabrics it is normal to want to to give it a gourmet tailoring experience which could cost, on average, between 10,000 naira and 50,000 naira (depending on whether you do the couturier in Ikoyi or a  fashion designer in Ajegunle).

How much will it cost to slay in your ‘aso ebi’ at  the introduction, engagement and reception ceremonies at a Nigerian wedding? Let’s do the maths;

  1. Fabric – min = 10,000, max = 150,000
  2. Tailoring – min = 10,000, max = 50,000

total  –  min =60,000 = (20,000 * 3) and max = 600,000(200,000 *3)

Next question – How much do you earn in a month? This is just on one couple without the cost of accessories, so you can imagine if you spend that amount on each one of all the weddings you attend each month – all I can say is GBESE RE O!

If it was your choice whether to buy the ‘aso ebi’ or not, I don’t think I will be this upset. Some celebrants will drop their aso ebi off at your house to impose buying it on you and when you refuse, they try to the emotional blackmail route. If it ended there, I promise you I would not be this upset but then some celebrants then offer preferential treatments to the ‘Aso ebi’ wearers (e.g. who sits on what table, who gets what souvenirs – you can keep it, I will happily to be both souvenir and gbese free).  If you are one of this type of celebrants, STOPPET! you should not impose your ‘aso ebi’ on people( you might as well keep your invite together with the ‘aso ebi).

For my people who want to slay without ‘aso ebi’ check out my next blog post – The Aso ebi headache- Part 2: how to slay without ‘aso ebi’ and its gbese.

Glossary

Aso ebi – Uniform fabric worn at Nigerian ceremonies

Gbese – Debt

‘Gbese re o’ – this is serious debt

STOPPET – stop it

Iya Tope – Tope’s mother

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Let go, and let God.

In the spirit of Toke Makinwa’s book (check out my review of her book at https://365dayswithoutborders.wordpress.com/2017/01/28/a-book-review-toke-makinwas-on-becoming/) , I decided to call this blog post ‘Let go and Let God’.

It seems like it was only yesterday that we celebrated coming into the new year and now we are already a month into the year 2017 and some of us have already started to worry. Today being the 1st of February 2017, I have come to you, my dear  readers, with a word of advice – to let go and let God take control.

At times we are so focused on what we want and where we want to be at a particular time that we forget that God is in total control. God loves us and by so doing, he wants the best for us. Therefore,anyway things go, whether in it’s in line with what you want or not, remember as you go into the second month of 2017, that there is an intentional God up there. Stop beating yourself over what you have not achieved, what deals went south or what you will eat, remember that God provides for lesser organisms and so he will sort you out.

2017 shall be your year to pursue, overtake and recover all you lost in the past year. If you did not see that happening in January, trust God that it will happening another month and when it comes, it will not be at a more perfect time.

Dear Linda Ikeji,

Thank you for being a living proof to Nigerian mothers and fathers that not only doctors, lawyers and bankers can be successful;

Thank you for building a blog that has become the Nigerian version of ‘The Daily mail’ –  which we self-righteously claim we hate because it is said that it reports unsubstantiated gossip, yet when we wake up in the morning, it’s the first place we check for the news;

You encourage the young women that they can become successful through their own business ideas and by so doing you are one of the few who are helping to re-shape the world. For this I say thank you;

Thank you for proving to my fellow Nigerians that violence or the threat of violence should not be permitted for anyone at any level – from regular Nigerians to the most famous of us;

Thank you for reminding young bloggers, like myself, that having 45 views today does not mean that you cannot have millions of views tomorrow;

Finally, thank you for being successful, owning your success and encouraging us with your success.

Image source: http://life.cdn.guardian.ng/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/linda.jpg

The etiquette of cheek pecking

Disclaimer: This is my opinion and  I am giving it. So whether you have the similar or different opinions, scroll down, have a good read and then LIKE, SUBSCRIBE AND COMMENT(let me know what you think and if there is anything I have left out please let me know).

My fellow Nigerians, Wa Zo and Bia, I greet you this warm Tuesday morning. I am here again and today it  is all about this greeting habits which Nigerian who live or have been to the diaspora have brought back – Cheek pecking.

I always say a Nigerian has the uncanny power to change the ordinary to the extraordinary and that’s what we have done to pecking. We have taken what was started as a simple form of greeting and turned it into a thing of class i.e it’s like they need to peck you so that you know that they have been or lived in the diaspora(even if its Slovakia), a privilege only the rich can afford.

TBH, I am indifferent to pecking as a form of greeting (I mean, sometimes I  unconsciously do it), but I am sometimes confused by it – calm down, I will explain how. So I see an aunt for the first time in a while and she starts with a hug. She then slams are Mac ruby woo painted lips unto my beautifully blended House of Tara foundation on my right cheek, leaving her lip print colored. Being some-what familiar with pecking, I know she is coming in for another one, so I turn my cheek in for another foundation massacre. And just when I turn my face to pull back from her embrace, she goes in for a third kiss and then I tilt my head back confused but I notice she does not stop and so I quickly turn my cheek to her so it does not land on my lips. Confused too?

So after she massacred my foundation on both cheeks with her lip print, she now wants to reprint it again so I can end up looking like a clown, or what. Aunties who peck, you don’t want to leave people like us feeling very confused, scroll down so I can help your matter.

  1. When pecking was created, it was not made to be lip to cheek, instead it was made to be cheek to cheek. So stop making all we young people live in the fear of greeting you up close as you might end up turning us into clowns.
  2. So just because I said cheek on cheek does not mean you should slap your pimples and black head infested cheek against another person’s cheek. There should be a little gap(at least 5cm wide) between your cheek and the other person’s.
  3. We need to come to a conclusion and stop confusing each other How many times are we going to peck? So you have done the first cheek and then you do the second cheek, I don’t understand why you want to go a third time – if anyone knows why NIGERIANS should go a third time, please let me know in the comment section. I believe pecking three times should be done only in countries where that is the culture, not in Nigeria where this style of greeting was imported.
  4. Cheek pecking is a light kiss on another person’s cheek. So all my aunty ruby woo, please kissing so hard that you leave your lip print on people’s faces.
  5. Not everyone likes cheek pecking – so don’t feel obliged to do it!
  6. NOTE – These apply especially when you are pecking someone who you are acquainted with (it could be different when kissing a lover, immediate family or CLOSE friends)

 

Glossary 

Wa – ‘come’ in Yoruba language

Zo – ‘come’ in Hausa Language

Bia – ‘come’ in Ibo Language

TBH – To be honest

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The Wedding Fever Part 2 – #WODA

I woke up this morning feeling like yesterday was a dream. After I say my prayers, I get up and check my phone. I see a lot of Instagram and Facebook tags with the hashtag #WODA2017. Tunji sent me message with a link to a Bella Naija page with photos of our engagement and an epistle on the worth of my birthday present and engagement ring. After taking a shower, I remember Dapo slept over so I go and check on him in the sitting room. I don’t want to wake him because I know the only time he sleeps in is when he stays here and even at that he still sleeps late. I look at him and I can only imagine how he can deal with so much pressure at 30. This is what people do not understand, when he was younger his playboy behavior started only as a way to let off steam from all the pressure he faces having to run his father’s business in a sector that is not what he enjoys. But now, he has become more mature and has come to fully accept that he has to sacrifice his love for the practice of law to take over his father’s business due to his deteriorating health.

I peck his forehead and as I rise to nudge him awake, his both hands hold me to him and he slowly opens his eyes. “good morning ex-girlfriend, Fiance and Wife to be” he says. “good morning to you too, Husband to be. Thank you for yesterday. You have to get up now, else we will be late to church””I know I tell you this all the time and you don’t listen but you can sleep in bed with me, you don’t have to leave after  I sleep”. “you don’t know how attractive you are, do you?””if I have abstained this long for you, I don’t want to ruin it” he says. “I love you more but we have to get ready for church, go and take a shower” I say and then kiss him and head towards the bedroom and he follows behind me”

I am trying to look for something appropriate to wear since after church we are going to see his parent. I am not sure if we are going straight from church or coming home first. I ask him and he says the former is the case. I pick a knee length two color ankara dress. I discover that I am so nervous. It’s  not like I haven’t met his parents before, but it is the first time I will be introduced as a wife. I remember that I have not called my mum to tell her.  I check the time and I know she will be getting ready to go to church and so I call her. she picks up on the second ring;

“hello ma, ekaaro, se mi o disturb yin”

“No, se ko si?”

“mummy, Dapo propose si mi”

“mo mo, mama e so fun mi lana and then o ba Kabiyesi soro ni last week” she knows about my engagement to Dapo before me!  My mum and Dapo’s  mum have been friend since I was in secondary school and because of them our fathers became friends as well but this was a long time before I had even met Dapo.

“we are going to visit his parents today. I am so shy mummy.”

“better do not be shy, ki o ma lo si wawu.  you’re already a part of their family and its not your first time meeting them…..” just then Dapo walks out of the bathroom in his boxers and undershirt and heads to the bed to pick the white traditional wear I picked out for him.

“your father is ready to go to church, I will call you in the evening to find out how it goes.”

“alright, odabo ma” she hangs up immediately.

Dapo walks over to me and sits next to me on the bed. “I could not help but eaves drop into your conversation with your mum…” I try to interrupt him but he does no let me “shussh..I want you to know that I love you and that my parent love you very much so there is no need to be shy or scared” he pulls me into his embrace and immediately tranquility falls on me. he releases me and I step in front of the mirror to begin my makeup.

After spending 15 minutes looking through my eyeshadow pallete for earth tone colors, I finally finish my makeup  with a nude lipstick. Hurriedly, I put on my dress and shoes and grab my purse, then head downstairs to meet a furious looking Dapo speaking with someone on the phone. I go the kitchen to drink some water giving him time to round off his call. Just as I grab a cup to fill with water he walks in and from the look on his face, I know what he wants. I drop the cup on the work top and head towards him and into his arms for a hug. After a couple of minutes, he releases me and I see my fondation has stained his white but that does not stop me from kissing him. When I stop, I see all the fear evaporate from his face and I am scared for him. He smiles at me and I say “Don’t tell me, whatever it is, I probably don’d have a solution. go upstairs, change your clothes and then we go to church and we will tell God.” “I don’t know what I will do without you” he says and walks off.

We are driving towards Dapo’s parents house in Banana Island for brunch. Detecting how nervous I am, Dapo tries to make small talk with me. First about the lady sat in front of us and then about how he felt the sermon today was directed at him. None of these stuck except when he mentioned cooking for him.”Wonu, please can you make your jollof rice and stewed chicken this evening, you know I love nothing more than you cooking for me.” Alas, a blush started to creep up on my face.” you know I will love nothing more. So is this cooking taking place at mine or yours” I said. “please can we do it at mine, I have to be in the office at 7 tomorrow” he said. “I have court tomorrow at 10, so we have to go to mine and then the supermarket before we come back to yours” I said. “Alright” he said as he parked the car in the drive in his parents compound.

I am no longer Wonu, now I am “our wife” as Dapo’s mum called me whilst we were in the kitchen and Dapo and his dad were in the sitting room probably discussing business. This was what was going through my mind that I did not notice when Dapo parked his car outside my apartment  block. “Wife!” he tried to get my attention and I blush. “That was not all bad was it was it. See, I told you there was nothing to worry about”he said. “Thank you, I had a good time and thank you for yesterday as well. Wait in the car while I go and pick up a few things for tomorrow.

Glossary

ekaaro, se mi o disturb yin – Good morning, I hope I am not disturbing you

se ko si? – I hope all is well?

Dapo propose si mi – Dapo proposed to me

mo mo, mama e so fun mi lana and then o ba Kabiyesi soro ni last week – I know, his mum told me yesterday and the he spoke to the king last week

Ki o ma si wawu –  so you don’t misbehave

Ankara – Traditional fabric

Odabo – bye

Bella Naija – A very famous lifestyle Nigerian blog

Oladapo (Dapo) – A Nigerian Name that means- a mix of wealth

Adewonuola (Wonu/Dewonu)- A Nigerian name that means – The crown entered into wealth

Tunji (Babatunji) – A Nigerian name that means – Father has returned

Adeyele – A Nigerian Name that means – This house deserves the crown

 

 

If you enjoyed that, please comment, like, subscribe and stay tuned for the next episode of The Wedding Fever series, next week.

A book review: Toke Makinwa’s On Becoming

Disclaimer: This is my opinion and although some people may feel that I am not entitled to my opinion on Toke’s marriage, I am giving it anyway. So if you one of those ‘Some people’, either you read this and eat your critique or you should probably move to the next post. But feel free to make give your own opinion of the book in the comment section below.

Rating: 8/10

She says it’s not a tell all but a must tell, I say it’s both.

I first discovered Toke Makinwa on YouTube, watching her weekly vlogs. I have since become aware of her presence in the entertainment industry and developed great admiration for her fashion sense (she kills it guys!). So naturally when I heard she wrote a book, I was both surprised and excited. When I found out the book was about her marriage, I was very curious.

On becoming, Toke Makinwa’s book, was released on Monday the 28th of November but I didn’t get around to purchasing it until Tuesday evening. On purchasing it for a sum of £4.99, I spent the next five hours reading it and I must say it was worth the read. Although the book was painted to be solely about the juice she provided on her marriage, it was so much. The underlying message of self discovery, a heart breaking loss, emotional abuse, perseverance, fear, the need for God and social stigma.

Toke tells the story of woman who was trapped in a cage, where she is surrounded by so many factors that keep her trapped. Fear is a big one of those factors. For toke fear came in different forms such as: the fear of loosing something which everyone thought was so perfect and so they envied it and something if fixed had great potential at making her happy, her relationship with Maje;  the fear of being another celebrity cliché case(the husband cheats after being married for a little over a year and then they get divorced); the fear of loosing something that in the 8 years and more that it had been, had come to define who she was; the fear of taking a decision which could potentially destroy what she had spent her life building – her career; and most for all the fear of starting over.

The second factor could have been the need to fill the void created by the devastating loss of her parents very early on in her life. This void is one that yearns for a sort of love that she was unable to receive from father due to his absence. Her love for Maje was the only thing that was able to fill this void and so she turns a blind eye to all her get out of jail (the relationship with Maje) free cards.

Another factor was society and its ability to stigmatize her if she got divorced. “What will people say?” Is a question I am sure crossed Toke’s mind several times and the negative answers she found within herself kept her jailed in her relationship with Maje. The final factor is one love, she loved Maje to a fault. I am sure if she wanted to leave at the earlier stage of their relationship, she would have been trapped because she loved him.

Some say that because this is only Toke’s point of view and there are many sides to a story, we should not judge Maje. I do not care if there are a million sides to a story, assuming all Toke said was the truth, no one deserves to be treated that way. Maje repeatedly trampled on her and her love. I am surprised she still had any love to give to him at the time they got married.

Still assuming all she said about the love triangle between herself, Maje and Anita were true, whoever coined the term ‘Yoruba demon’ must have been trying to describe the Maje from Toke’s POV. People are blaming Toke for the end of her marriage, but the only thing I blame her for was getting married to him in the first place, not ending the marriage sooner and  giving Maje another chance after she found out about Anita and her baby.

My favorite chapters were the last two; let go and let God, and healing. Those two chapters really touched me and I believe they touched other people out there. It caused a shift in my overall perception of challenges and God’s plan for us. The moral is the story is; wait on God for his direction and every challenge you face in life prepares you for the place where God has prepared for you. As Travis Greene said “God is an intentional God”, never forget that he has a plan for you.

The only critique I have for the book is that it could have been less juicy. There were so many things that did not need to be said. We live in a society where the truth is hard and the whole truth is even harder. As such when we have the whole truth, we wait for the teller of the truth to make a mistake so we can point accusing fingers at them.

Lets us give it to Toke, she really did turn lemons into lemonade with her book because not only did she make money from the sale of her book, she also touched lives. Toke, you go girl!

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The Wedding Fever Part 1- The Proposal

I have mental image of what the bella Naija post for our wedding will be; Son of billionaire oil tycoon, Oladapo Doherty weds Only Daughter of Financial guru, CEO and Oba, Princess Adewonuola Adeyele. I know that this will be the society wedding of the year and I think Dapo knows it too. He already set the ball rolling with his over the top proposal, dare I say OVER THE TOP. He proposed to me during a surprise birthday party he planned for me at his home in Ikoyi.

My birthday was on a Saturday, Dapo had suggested we go out of the country for the weekend but I refused. I have to be in court on Monday and going out of the country on Friday to be back on Monday, in my opinion is a waste of money, so I told him we could go later in the year perhaps sometime in May(he hates to travel during the summer holidays). He told me had somethings to attend to with his dad that morning and so he would take me to dinner in the evening at 8. At 8, I heard my door open and I knew he had arrived. He called out for me to meet him downstairs. As I descend the stairs in my stoned ankara dress and sky high suede Louboutin shoes, he gives me a smile of approval, walks up to me and gives me a long hard kiss and presents me with a bouquet of the most gorgeous flowers I have seen in a while. I think to myself that moments like these make me forget how tumultuous our relationship has been in the two years we dated. we head for the door and into his car to drive to a destination I did not know.

10 minutes into the car journey, I notice Dapo is a little ridiculously quiet and so I try to get a location out of him but he does not bulge. Instead he gives me a really mischievous grin that has me wondering what he is really up to. He drives on the Lekki Ikoyi bridge and then I begin to wonder why we are headed towards Ikoyi. I notice we are now driving towards his house, so I say “Dapo, are we going to your house?”. He is about to answer when his phone rings(later I find out that it is my cousin and business partner,Tunji calling to check how close we were to his house).Leaving my earlier question unanswered, he drives his Mercedes convertible into his compound. He tells me to come into the house, that he just needs to pick something up. I get down from the car and he immediately grabs my hand and leads me to the back entrance and before I can ask why, he leads me towards the back stair and says “sorry, I forgot the keys to the front door upstairs”. We come out through a door next to his sitting room upstairs. He opens the door and tells me to walk in (I should have suspected something was up but he always lets me go through door first…such a gentleman). I walk further into the room, to find the whole room littered with rose petals , similar to the ones he had given me earlier and when I turn back to ask what going on I find him on one knee and I gasp in surprise.

“Dewonu, thank you first for agreeing to be my friend and later for agreeing to date me. I know a lot of people see me and think oh! he is a play boy but thank you for seeing the real me. I love you dearly and it has been that way for a very long time, even when I said you were only my friend. I know forever is a long time, but I want to continue to love you forever, Please say you’ll let me by marrying me”. I spent the whole time staring at him with my mouth open and disbelief in my eyes. I go on my knees to join him, I kiss him and with tears in my eyes, I hug him and say yes!. Just as I pull back for him to put the ring on my finger, I hear a loud group of people yell surprise and then flashes from camera’s taking pictures. I smile so hard that I think my mouth is about to fall off. I stare into his eyes and give him a kiss for everyone to see. He gets up and pulls me up and into his embrace and then we all head down towards the stairs. Through people clapping and cheering us as we went  and a large group behind. We down to the siting area where there we a lot of our mutual friends, my friends and his friends . I immediately spot Tunji and he gives me a bear hug(it has me remembering when Dapo was so jealous of my relationship with Tunji because he taught we were dating).

After going around to greet everyone, Dapo pulls me away and takes me back to a smaller sitting area downstairs. He hands me a bag with a wrapped present inside. I sit down and does the same beside me. I carefully unwrap the present and its a suede, maroon red rectangular box with a Cartier Logo on the front. I look at him and he tells me to open it. I do, and I find a platinum bracelet with similar diamonds as the ring. He takes it from me and turns it over. I see an inscription and I read it, it says; “Thank you for letting me love you forever – love Dapo”. At this moment I could not love him more than I did. He takes it from me and put is on my right wrist.

“Dapo when you do things like this, how am I meant to beat it?, Thank you so much” I lean in to kiss him and he returns my kiss and says”you have already beating it by saying yes”. He leans in and continues to kiss me. The kiss gets deeper and deeper and I stop him. “I know you asked me to marry you and I said yes, it does not change the fact that I am going to remain a virgin until we go to the …..” Before I finish, he cuts in and says “I know and I don’t want to change that for anything in the world”. At this point he is body is covering almost half of mine on the couch, just Dapo is about to get up, Tunji walks in. “I hope I am not interrupting anything but its time for you to cut your cake”Tunji says awkwardly looking away from us. “OMG, we were not even doing anything”Dapo and I laugh. I kiss Dapo and he tells me that it was Tunji on the phone earlier and that they planned it together. I smile and walk over to Tunji and give him a hug. “I can’t believe you are 27 and getting married”. we all laugh and head towards the rest of the party. I go out to find a very nice cake with 27 candles already lit and the rest is history.

Glossary

Oba – King

Oladapo (Dapo) – A Nigerian Name that means- a mix of wealth

Adewonuola (Wonu/Dewonu)- A Nigerian name that means – The crown entered into wealth

Tunji (Babatunji) – A Nigerian name that means – Father has returned

Adeyele – A Nigerian Name that means – This house deserves the crown

 

If you enjoyed that, please comment, like, subscribe and stay tuned for the next episode of The Wedding Fever series, next week.

 

 

HAIR DRESSING EXPERIENCE 1: The search for greener pastures over the seas

It is the popular belief here in West Africa that any country “over the seas” is a land where is pastures are greener than green and the milk is whiter than white. This blog post is intended to burst your bubble.

About a year ago, I was braiding my hair at one of those pako kiosk salon. Whilst braiding my hair, the hair dresser was conversing with another hair dresser, who was visiting, about traveling to an overseas country and here’s a summary of what the other lady says;I heard there is a guy that can help me arrange a passport and visa for fifty thousand Naira, I will travel to the country for six months. My uncle’s family friend lives in that country, so I  will live with him and make braids for people for a living, I hear that hair dressers earn a lot abroad. I will not spend my money on clothes or food, I will just pick them from the trash. I heard that they wear their clothes for only two months, after which they throw it in the bin. After six months I will come back with all the money I made and the first thing I will do is build a new shop with air conditioning and then I will buy a range rover car and build a house. But the truth is that I cannot afford the ticket.

hmm! I believe, like my hair dresser’s friend so many people believe that the journey to greener pasture and from greener pastures to wealth works like this, but it does not. Let me show you everything I believe is wrong with what she said.

1. Fifty thousand Naira for a passport with a visa in it! sister and brother, it’s either it is a stolen or forged passport or you’re about to be trafficked to another country and you do not know it.To get a passport in Nigeria, you have to apply for one at the National immigration service nearest to you. On obtaining a passport, you can then apply for a visa at the country’s embassy.

2. Six months! On a visiting visa, most countries like the UK do not allow you stay more than 3 months at a stretch, so that plan to stay for six months may not be feasible depending on the country.

3. Working on a visiting Visa – in most countries, I gather this is illegal. That’s all I will say

4. They throw their clothes in the dustbin after wearing it for only 2 months – whoever told her that does not fear God. what kind of lie is that! When people in the diaspora want to dispose an item that they have worn for only 2 months that is still in wearable condition, they give it to charity not throw it in the bin. Life in the diaspora is already hard enough, with all the tax and bills they have to pay, the last thing the majority are, is wasteful.

5. Returning with the money she makes – I think there is a maximum amount of money a person is allowed to travel with. Now if she would be able to make enough money to build a house, buy a range rove and build a new shop(which I do not think is possible in a six month period), she cannot travel with all that cash at once. As such she will have to leave some with “her uncle’s family friend”. How can she be certain that he will make do on his promise to send her all her money as soon as she is back on her home soil.

Glossary

Pako – wood

These are just some of the things I believe are wrong with that lady’s theory. if there is anything I have said that is not quite accurate or anything I have missed out, please comment below or send me an email to let me know.

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